2008: HIGHLIGHTS OF THE ONE BLOG I ALWAYS READ

For most of the world, 2008 officially began sometime in June, when I published my very first blog post. Radio people argued over whether it's a good idea always to put music under the DJ's voice, and the Internet hasn't been the same since.

I've been sharing The Best Radio Video Ever for years now, and I recycled it as a blog posting.

Hotlining Is For Wimps took dead aim at short, insecure PDs.

A bunch of friends and I reminisced about our First Days On The Air.

I paid tribute to America's (and probably the world's) greatest living radio personality.

Ira Glass did the work for me in this posting — far better than I could.

My video camera revealed the seamy underbelly of Dick Orkin's Famous Radio Ranch.

I fessed up to a hoax I played on San Francisco listeners.

Ever meet a dumb radio station receptionist?

I have no idea who called this fax spammer.

Whoever it was, he called another representative of the same fax spamming company.

Hollywood voiceover coach Nancy Wolfson revealed her true feelings about radio people.

Voiceover Hall-of-Famer Patrick Fraley did his best to disguise his awe of me.

Don LaFontaine left us too early. Unless you saw it here, probably you never saw this video.

Everyone thinks my international travels are so glamorous. They are.

A lot of people never heard the Terry Moss production that caused the FCC to change its rules.

Ross Brittain demonstrates the true glamor of a radio star's life.

My attempt to get everyone excited about one of the coolest songs ever...Well, kind of flopped.

My 3-part series on how to react to a competitor's misleading contest seemed to amuse people.

My favorite rendition of Cream's "White Room."

Finally, one or two people shared my awe at this demonstration of How To Write A Hit Love Ballad.

All in all, I think it's fair to say that this blog has never had a finer year. And I owe it all to my dozens of loyal readers. Next year? More of the same, except for the new stuff.

IS YOUR WEB DESIGNER DRIVING AWAY YOUR SITE'S VISITORS?

Your radio station website is not a playground for your webmaster — or a dumping ground for the cookie cutter output of an outsourced provider. It's a marketing tool. It's a valuable opportunity to further engage your listeners or clients.

You agree? Good. But have you made that clear to your Web designer?

For example....

Splash Pages

Have you ever had the experience of clicking on a link or entering a Web address and instead of being taken to the home page, you arrive at a page that says:

“Welcome! Click here to enter.”

That’s a splash page.

Splash pages waste people’s time.

People already did the work to come to your site. It’s crazy to ask them to do more work now.

Think about your radio station. You use marketing and promotions and advertising to convince people to sample your station. Direct mail, TV, billboards, busboards:

“Listen Thursday morning at 7:10 for our $10,000 birthday song, on 102.7!”

You finally convince someone to tune in 102.7 for your $10,000 birthday song. They tune in to 102.7 and what they hear is:

“Thank you for tuning in 102.7, now go to 103.1!”

Your radio station wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that. Why would your website be that stupid?

The only valid reason for a station website to have a splash page is if you have a site that offers information in more than one language:

“Welcome to RadioX.com. Click here for the English presentation, click here for Spanish, click here for Norwegian.”

Otherwise, splash pages only serve the purpose of wasting people’s time.

You can confirm this with your own experience. You know what it’s like to click on a link or type in a URL and end up at something that says, “Click here to enter.”

When that happens, what is your response?

If you’re like most people, your response is one of annoyance: “Why do I have to click to enter? Just put me there!”

For more ideas on how to maximize the value of your radio station's website, here's a handy resource.

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: MGM Grand Hotel & Casino

The spot opens with, "Wishing you could get away for a mini-vacation?" That certainly could be the premise of a commercial for a Las Vegas resort. But after asking the question, they don't do anything to deliver on its implied promise.

"Here's a little secret exclusive for our K-EARTH listeners. MGM Hotel & Casino has it all...."

Actually, I swear the guy is saying "had" it all. But that doesn't make sense. It's more likely that my hearing ability has deteriorated than that the copywriter or voiceover performer accidentally wrote or said "had" instead of "has" — and that no one at the radio station caught it.

Where was I? Oh, yeah:

"Here's a little secret exclusive for our K-EARTH listeners. MGM Grand Hotel & Casino has it all...."

That's not a secret, and it's certainly not exclusive for K-EARTH listeners.

Saying that something is exclusive for your listeners when it's not is what we in the radio advertising biz call "not true."

"Treat yourself to a massage at the spa."

Gee, a Vegas hotel with a spa? Hard to believe. And the spa offers massages? Unheard of.

"See an award-winning show."

SHE: We never do anything fun any more.

HE: How about seeing an award-winning show?

SHE: What a great idea! Honey, I love you!

TOGETHER: Thanks, MGM Grand Hotel & Casino!

Here Comes The Clue Train:

If you want people to attend your award-winning show, tell them the name of the show or performer.

"But the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino has a number of different shows, and they might change from one week to the next."

Yeah, so? Either do the work needed to create the spot that sells the show, or don't waste your breath and the listeners' time talking about it.

"Indulge yourself in any of the 15 restaurants."

Indulge myself? Oh, you mean eat food?

15 restaurants? Doesn't sound particularly inviting to me. Sounds like a gigantic, impersonal place. But by golly, "15 restaurants" is on that list of bullet points, so....

"Oh, and the room accommodations? Wow, where do I start?"

Well, you could start by noticing that no one you know ever comes back from a mini-vacation and refers to their "room accommodations." Never.

HE: How about staying at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino?

SHE: Hmm, I don't know. What are their room accommodations like?"

And apparently the announcer never did figure out "where to start," because she didn't say anything at all about the "room accommodations" — other than to imply that the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino has some.

"Exclusive package offers won't last long."

Hey, they met the "not true" standard twice in just six words:

1. We've already established that the offers are not exclusive.

2. The "special offers" probably will be featured on the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino's website for years.

"I tried radio advertising, and it didn't work...."

BOBBY OCEAN'S SUNDAY RADIO CARTOON

Illustration © 2008 by Bobby Ocean

PROOF THAT RADIO DOESN'T HAVE TO BE DEAD

This is one of my all-time favorite station promos.

If it doesn't make you smile, that's okay. Just means it doesn't fit your taste or sensibility.

But if it does make you smile — or, as I do, respond with awe at its brave creativity — a reminder: The people who did this 40 – 50 years ago didn't have 1/10 of the production tools available to you today.

All they had was an idea. And a "what if...?" And the desire to find out.

O'DAY'S TRAVEL WOES #15: Creating An Ice Cream Riot in Vermont

June, 1994, Part 1: Long-time readers (e.g., dating back to 1993) who have nothing more important to clutter their memories than details of my past trips might vaguely remember my European tour (11 seminars in 4 countries in 13 days) of the previous September.

My first trip to Europe for 1994 was less hectic: only 5 seminars in three countries in 10 days. The first country was the United States (that’s just below Canada, for those of you following along on your “Where’s Dan?” maps).

On Friday, I conducted an air talent seminar for Vermont Public Radio, thanks to the efforts of program director Chris Wienk. It was quite interesting to see how much the VPR staffers seemed to care about their audience and also how much pride the people of Vermont have in VPR.

Although I was raised in Connecticut (until the age of 11, when I left home and moved in with a pack of wolves — see, “O’Day, Feral Period of” in my soon to be released autobiography) and have a great love for New England, this was my first visit to Vermont. Everyone told me how beautiful the scenery would be, but I wasn’t prepared for how gorgeous it is there: very, very green.

Just making the five-minute drive from my hotel to the VPR studio in Burlington was enough to make me want to spend the summer there. (I’m told the weather is not like that — 75 degrees and sunny — all year ’round. Apparently for a couple of weeks in February in gets a little nippy in Vermont.)

Although this seminar primarily was focused on on-air performance, we spent a couple of hours discussing methods of creative fundraising. (This is public radio, remember.) VPR’s on-air membership drives are lots of fun, and listeners often comment on how much they enjoy hearing their favorite show hosts loosen their ties a bit and relax on-the-air.

One VPRer asked for ideas on how to sustain that personal relationship throughout the year. Of course, to a large extent that’s the focus of my air talent seminar — reaching your listeners on a personal level. But we brainstormed some off-air ideas, too, and the group came up with a simply, nifty idea that you might be able to use:

Every public radio station (in the U.S.; “public radio” is a completely different animal in Europe) has a listener database: their “member” or “subscriber” list. These are people who have given money to support the radio station. Although it’s not uncommon for commercial stations to gather birth dates of its database members, public radio stations seem to think it’s not worth the bother.

Why not, I suggested, ask for birth dates of all new members (and old ones when they renew)? Then send a nifty VPR birthday card to each member on his or her birthday — the front of which could be artwork done by a popular Vermont artist.

Big deal, you say. A birthday card. Nice idea, they said, but we can’t afford it.

Ah, but here’s my big inspiration: Inside every card is a certificate good for a free ice cream cone at any Ben & Jerry’s in the state.

(Okay, full disclosure time: I actually said something like, “...and then get someone like Baskin-Robbins — ” at which point the room erupted in a chorus of booing. In Vermont, Ben & Jerry’s is like a religion...and any other ice cream purveyor represents the dark forces of the netherworld.)

A printer provides the printing in exchange for on-air thank-yous (“Thanks to Ed’s Printing for its support of VPR”), while Ben & Jerry’s pays the postage. VPR pays nothing, while Ben & Jerry’s helps support the arts (which they’re quite willing to do) while stimulating in-store traffic. (Think about the last time you got a coupon for free ice cream or frozen yogurt: Odds are you brought someone with you to the ice cream shop, and that person probably made a cash purchase.)

A small idea, to be sure. But who among us would not react favorably to a birthday card that brought us free ice cream? (Special note to anyone who might decide to set this up with a local ice cream shop: Do NOT agree to include a “two-for-one” or “half-off” coupon. It’s got to be a genuine, no-strings gift.)

In keeping with the “isn’t nature wonderful” feeling of our surroundings, this seminar was attended by a young bird that had been rescued by a VPR staffer just a couple of days earlier. It sat perched on the staffer’s shoulder for much of the day.

After the seminar, I summoned the will-power NOT to stay for the VPR staff barbecue and instead drove the 45 minutes to Stowe, Vermont, where on the following day I would speak at the Vermont Association of Broadcasters Convention.

Dave Kimel and Eric Michaels had arranged for me to conduct How To Create Maximum Impact Radio Advertising, preceded by a 45-minute freewheeling discussion of the challenges of managing people in a broadcast environment. Upon my arrival in Stowe, I checked into the Commodores Inn and went directly to...the VAB barbecue.

(Would I have been able to resist the VPR barbecue had I not had another barbecue awaiting me down the road? I refuse even to dignify that question with a response.)

Good food, good company. The first person I saw there, in fact, was the NAB’s John Abel. John and I keep running into each other at functions like these. This was the first time, however, that I’d seen him not wearing a tie.

The Commodores Inn fronts a small but beautiful lake — like a fragile postcard memory. The Inn itself isn’t at all fancy, but the staff seemed nice and the food was good...and the surroundings were worth considering a vacation there.

My VAB seminars were attended by an unexpected guest, too: a cat that wandered in and out. Looking for the previous day’s bird, no doubt.

Next Week: On to England, where I nearly get into a fistfight with a maid at London's Swallow Hotel.

From My House To Yours

Unsafe Holidays Gifts, Courtesy of Gilbert Gnarley

This is from 2003; hence the no-longer-quite-so-topical references.

Gilbert Gnarley, of course, is one of Gary Burbank's many alter egos.

A REALLY GOOD CHRISTMAS SALE COMMERCIAL

This being the holiday season and all, I thought I'd offer this as an antidote to the unrelenting negatively of my Monday Morning Commercial Smackdowns.

Produced by Rich Bird when he was at WCIL.

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Bladder Research Study

The commercial....

The transcript of that commercial:

Are you on the go, all the time...in more ways than one? If you frequently feel an urgent need to urinate with little warning time, you could have an overactive bladder, or OAB. You may qualify for a research study involving an investigational medication for the treatment of an overactive bladder. West Coast Clinical Research, in the San Fernando Valley, is conducting this study. The West Coast Clinical Research staff is a team of medical research professionals. Qualified participants must be women between the ages of 18 and 70 years old who are experiencing overactive bladder symptoms, including a frequent urge to urinate with little or no warning. If you qualify for the study, all study-related care will be provided at no cost, including exams, study medication, and financial compensation will also be provided for time and travel. Call West Coast Clinical Research at 818-776-0820 to see if you could be a candidate for the overactive bladder study. That's 818-776-0820. Call 818-776-0820.

Obviously, this is a very personal problem. But it's an impersonal commercial. It also could be improved with some ruthless editing.

If any given element doesn't increase the impact of the sales message and isn't required, get rid of it.

Example: It's necessary to identify the advertiser. But telling us that "the West Coast Clinical Research staff is a team of medical research professionals" isn't required, and it doesn't increase the impact of the message. "West Coast Clinical Research" successfully conveys the necessary note of authority; pointing out that it's staffed with a team of medical professionals belabors the obvious.

Does knowing that "overactive bladder" also is known as "OAB" do anything to increase the likelihood of a targeted listener picking up the phone? I can't imagine how. They threw in some industry jargon simply because they have it. Quite possibly in the offices of West Coast Clinical Research they always refer to it as OAB. But the target audience doesn't, and there's nothing to be gained (in this commercial) by teaching people the acronym.

When reviewing your copy, one of the first questions to ask yourself is, "Can I delete the opening line without weakening the message?" Surprisingly often, the answer is yes. This test should have been applied to this copy. Compare:

(Original beginning:) Are you on the go, all the time...in more ways than one? If you frequently feel an urgent need to urinate with little warning time....

(Ruthlessly edited beginning) If you frequently feel an urgent need to urinate with little warning time....

The second version starts the commercial faster without sacrificing anything.

The spot is okay. The problem they're targeting is specific enough that that commercial, as is, will attract some response. But it could be much stronger.

Here's a rewrite that focuses on the person it's trying to reach, rather than on "the study."

Are you a woman who frequently feels an urgent need to urinate with very little warning? You might not realize it's quite common among American adults. But you know what it's like to be nervous whenever you leave your home...To make sure that wherever you go, the first thing you do is locate the nearest bathroom — just in case. You know how humiliating it feels when suddenly you're forced to rush from a meeting or a social function. Well, you might qualify for a research study involving an investigational medication for the treatment of overactive bladder. It's for women between the ages of 18 and 70 who are experiencing symptoms that include a frequent urge to urinate with little or no warning. If you qualify, all study-related care will be provided to you at no cost — including exams and study medication. You'll also receive financial compensation. To see if you could be a candidate for the overactive bladder study, call West Coast Clinical Research now at 818-776-0820. That's 818-776-0820. 818-776-0820.

• I omitted "in the San Fernando Valley" because anyone in the audience suffering from that problem probably will be willing to drive anywhere in the L.A. area for help.

• I don't recall the last time I wrote a commercial that ended — as most do — with the phone number given three times. But, again, for the targeted listener to motivation to act is so strong that I don't think we need a callback to the original theme.

I gave the new script to voice actor extraordinaire Ann DeWig, along with these instructions:

I'm attaching the mediocre spot that I've completely rewritten — so you can hear the fake, impersonal tone of the woman who's reading copy rather than talking to someone who suffers from an embarrassing, intimate problem.

Notes:

• Because unlike the original copy we say "overactive bladder study" only once, you have to make sure to hit that. Not hard enough to stop the conversational flow, but enough so that the name of the study is brought to the forefront.

• "Financial compensation" — Although that will appeal to prospects, it's not the primary motivation. So treat it as gravy (uh, bad image there), an added bonus rather than a reason for someone to call.

• This might be a challenge, given that the copy begins with, "Are you a woman who..." But try doing this as though you're:

1. Talking to your old college roommate, whom you haven't seen for a long time. Lunch in a restaurant, and she keeps getting up to use the bathroom.

2. Talking to your mother, who has this problem and has fooled herself into thinking that not even her family has noticed her behavior.

3. Walking in the park on a sunny day, feeling carefree. You spot a 30-ish woman seated on a bench, forlorn. Her self-esteem is shot. She feels like such a loser. (Obviously, because she has this problem.)

For all of them: Sympathetic, supportive, respectful, understanding — and you're not at all embarrassed by the topic. It's such a common ailment, and there might even be a new treatment for it.

Ann recorded the three different versions and included this cover note:

This WAS a challenge, but fun. I didn't listen to the "example" until after...and she sounds like she's selling furniture.

I just built the scenes and played them out as best I could.

I really like how you give direction. You build scenes instead of using words. VERY helpful. More work for you, but I think it nets better results. I like how the scenes themselves automatically set different tones (albeit subtly so).

Here are Ann's three versions of the new commercial.

The College Roommate

The Mother

Woman on Park Bench

Hear any differences? Your comments...?

BOBBY OCEAN'S SUNDAY RADIO CARTOON

Illustration © 2008 by Bobby Ocean

HOW TO WRITE A HIT LOVE BALLAD

This is one of the most incredible things I've ever heard: the perfect blueprint for writing the kind of pop love ballad that radio stations love to play.

It's the creation of Da Vinci's Notebook. Thanks to Paul and Storm for giving me permission to share this with you.

My favorite moment is at 3:31, on the word "modulation."

O'DAY'S TRAVEL WOES #14: Dan Questions His Own Existence

May, 1994: My first visit to Wisconsin, and my first visit to Minnesota when it wasn’t winter!

First stop was Madison, Wisconsin, where PD Greg Schnirring arranged for me to conduct an air talent seminar for the staff of Wisconsin Public Radio. (Yes, believe it or not, public radio stations occasionally allow a philistine such as I to work directly with their on-air performers.)

Now, I’ve been in more than my share of college towns, but I was surprised at how beautiful Madison was. I found myself fantasizing about renting a cabin by the lake during the summer...and this was just during the ride in from the airport.

Joy Cardin acted as my chauffeur and also handled the numerous details of the seminar itself. We all ate lunch outside the Student Union building, overlooking the lake...Just gorgeous. I wish I could have stayed longer to explore the area.

As soon as the seminar ended, I was whisked back to the airport for a flight to St. Paul, where on the following day I conducted an air talent seminar for Minnesota Public Radio, thanks to Arthur Cohen and Loren Omoto. (If you work in commercial radio, you might not know that Minnesota and Wisconsin have the two of the most successful public radio operations in the country.)

Our seminar was held in a very impressive museum building (the name of which I failed to make note). Our luncheon was held in the building’s cafeteria, where I had the most obvious dish to order when in Minnesota: Chicken Gumbo. (I can’t wait for my next visit to New Orleans, where I’ll be sure to order Minnesota Wild Rice Soup.)

MPR housed me at the Saint Paul Hotel, which is a pretty fancy place with a very good restaurant called “The Grill.” (I dined there that evening with Arthur and his wife, and the food was very good.)

I made a quick trip the following week to Atlanta, where I conducted an air talent seminar for WNNX. GM Mark Renier and PD Brian Phillips had a very successful, high-charged operation there.

I changed planes in Chicago, where I had a disconcerting experience that reminded me of the old Twilight Zone episode about the woman who drove cross-country and kept seeing a strange hitch-hiker (who turned out to be Death).

The restrooms at O’Hare Airport have sinks without faucet handles. They are equipped somehow to sense when you put your hands near the faucet, and the water automatically turns on. At least, that’s how it worked for everyone else. But no matter how hard I tried, how quickly or slowly I moved my hands over the sink basin, the water would not come.

I tried another sink; no luck. I tried EVERY other sink; nothing. But everyone else seemed to have no trouble getting water with which to wash their hands.

My taxi ride back to the airport in Atlanta introduced me to a cab driver who had a speech pattern that I simply could not understand. This, however, did not stop him from talking to me for the entire ride. He would speak a couple of paragraphs and then say, “Y’know what I mean?” (That was the only phrase I could make out entirely.)

Whenever he’d say, “Y’know what I mean,” I would reply, “Yes.” Then he would say — nodding emphatically — “Uh-huh.” And then he’d speak for a few more paragraphs.

We had a wonderful 20-minute conversation....I guess. I have no idea what we talked about, but he seemed pleased that I agreed with him.

RADIO ADVERTISING: Don't Water Down The Good Stuff

Today was a good day.

I have a copywriting client for whom I've just completed a second seasonal radio advertising campaign.

The campaign goal: To sell event tickets online.

The commercials run in two different markets — one to the west of the event location, the other to the south.

For the first campaign, I created a commercial that they loved — but that made the Powers That Be a little nervous. They worried that the key reference was a little too "edgy."

They wanted me to change the reference, to replace it with something similar but less provocative. They even suggested what we could replace it with.

I told them they'd be better off with the "edgy" version. I understood their concerns but knew they were being overly cautious.

Still, the Biggest Power That Be was nervous about my approach, wanted to use the watered-down replacement, and asked me to rewrite the spot to accommodate it.

Okay. I rewrote it so the replacement fit the entire copy. The client was happy. I was disappointed; we had replaced a great spot with a pretty good spot. But that's the way it goes.

I didn't hear from them for a while and had made a note to call to find out when the campaign would begin. Before I could call, however, I received an excited e-mail.

After one week of the new campaign airing in Market A, their online sales had doubled. A 100% increase.

"That's good," I thought.

Then I looked at the results for Market B: Online sales had tripled.

And oh, by the way, in Market B they had decided to go with my "edgier" commercial.

A 100% increase feels very good. A 300% increase feels exceptionally good.

That was the first campaign.

For the second campaign, once again one of the spots I gave them was — not "edgy," exactly. But the payoff definitely didn't fit the kind of advertising usually associated with this particular client.

They loved that spot, just wanted me to replace that one "edgy" word with... anything else. But this time, I couldn't make the change and still make it work. That one word was key to the entire story. I told them I didn't know how to make the change without killing the spot.

The next day, another e-mail arrived. "The Biggest Power That Be has decided to go with the (edgy word) commercial!"

They won't regret it.

Today was a good day.

HOW I GOT TOO HIGH-TECH AND LEFT MY INSTINCTS BEHIND: Marketing Lessons I Just Learned The Hard Way

As you've probably noticed, this is a "radio"-oriented blog. But I'm writing this post both for my regular readers and for a number of Internet marketing folks whom I suspect will be dropping by to hear about my screw-ups.

If you're a radio or advertising person, stick with me through this story and you'll find a $399 gift awaiting you. (Yeah, with strings attached. But if you're the right person, you'll love it.)

Background: In 2006, I launched my 3-day Radio Copywriting Masters class (held in January, 2007). Limited to just 12 people, with me doing every minute of the teaching.

It hardly seemed worth the effort to put up a Web page where prospects could read the "sales pitch" (uh, "valuable information to help them make an informed decision") and also could register.

Instead, I used one of the techniques I teach my copywriting students: I simply wrote a letter. I explained what I was doing, why I was doing it, who should sign up — all the details. And the last page was the Registration Form, which people were to fill in and fax to me.

I sent an e-mail to my customers and subscribers, along with a link to download the PDF letter.

Pretty low-tech, huh?

But it sold out quickly. In fact, it sold out so fast that most of the world never even heard about the class.

2007: Same thing. No Web page. Just one e-mail to my customers and subscribers, and we sold out.

But Things Changed In 2008.

One Change: I started to hang around (or simply swap a few e-mails) with a number of really smart, super-successful Internet marketing gurus. I mean, some really big names. I listened, I watched, I read...and I realized how much good stuff I wasn't doing that I should be doing.

Another Change: I added Web Guy #2 (Gustavo) to my staff.

Since going online in 1997, I've relied on one extremely good part-time webmaster (Web Guy #1). Part-time because he gets paid big bucks in his Day Job, working for a well-known Internet solutions company. (How we came together is another long story.) In fact, now I'm his only freelance client.

Web Guy #1 is a terrific person, and he's really good at making things work with limited resources. (And what he doesn't know, he researches — and refuses to charge me for the time spent researching, because he feels whatever new things he learns will be marketable to others in the future.)

But Web Guy #1 simply doesn't have time to implement my every online whim immediately. Usually he does stuff for me on weekends. That's given me a great excuse to keep my site looking really, really good...for 1997.

Web Guy #2, however, is a full-time freelancer. He loves to work, he works fast, and he knows how to do a whole bunch of stuff. I've been keeping him busy virtually full-time for several months now.

Here's Some Of What I Learned About What I Should Have Been Doing.

1. From observing my Internet marketing friends, I realized it was lame to promote my Radio Copywriting Masters class with a PDF letter that people had to download. It made more sense for me to do the work for them, to put it all up there online.

They could click on a link, read the sales page, and if this event was right for them they could register instantly. No more printing out a Registration Page and faxing it to me.

2. Rather than keeping the registration period open-ended, as I did the first two years (it stayed open until 12 people registered), combining scarcity of seats (only 12) with scarcity of time to register would force people to jump off the fence and take action.

As one guy I met this year likes to say, "Acting is easy. Deciding is hard." Adding the time limit makes it easier for people to decide, because they must decide now.

So I held the registration period open for only 3 days.

3. I was announcing the event too far in advance. Who can commit to traveling to L.A. for 3 days when it's 3 months away? (I did include a 100% refund for anyone who needed to cancel at least 2 weeks prior to the event, to help ease that worry.) I know people who sell out very high-priced seminars with just 4 weeks' notice. Plus —

— I fell way behind in my schedule of Stuff I Absolutely Have To Get Done Right Now. That combined with Lesson #3 to result in my waiting until December 10 to announce the Radio Copywriting Masters class for January 16 - 18, 2009.

But at last I was working smarter.

What was the response from my customers and subscribers?

1. "I need something to print out, so I can read it when & where it's convenient for me. Like...a PDF file!"

2. "I need something to print out — like a PDF file — to show my boss, whom I'll need to convince to send me to the class. No way can I get him to sit in front of my computer and read your fascinating-but-longish class description."

3. "I need more than 3 days to decide! Have you forgotten how crazed it is inside a radio station or ad agency in December?"

The Result?

A number of people did rush to sign up as soon as the registration period began. That was good.

But at the end of the 3 days, I still had a few seats left unsold. That was not so good (and a little embarrassing).

So Here Is What I've Done.

A) Re-opened Registration. And I'll keep it open until all 12 seats are sold. (Hopefully that won't be long, but still...)

B) PDF file for you to download, read, print, distribute to the neighbors...Go nuts!

C) Extended cancellation date to January 2 — two full weeks before the Radio Copywriting Masters Class begins. So if you register now and an emergency arises before January 2, you can cancel with a 100% refund.

D) In addition to the PDF letter, you still can register online.

And The Biggie:

E) Everyone who attends the class also will receive their own copy of How To Create Maximum Impact Radio Advertising — my 7-hour, 6-CD audio package that sells for $399. So after you've returned home, overflowing with ideas for producing much greater results for your advertisers and eager to "convert" the rest of your staff —

— Rather than saying, "Gee, I wish you could've heard this one example Dan played" or "Dan explained this concept so well, I wish you'd been there..."

...You'll say, "Here. Listen. Learn. And return these to me, 'cause they're worth 400 bucks!"

What Lessons Did I Learn?

1. For online registrations, give people a choice of response mechanisms. (This, of course, contradicts what I teach for radio advertising. A good radio commercial has only one Call To Action.)

2. Give my constituency more time to consider making such a big investment of time & money. I know that the "limited availability + limited time to decide" has worked marvelously for other markets. I'm not knocking the concept. It just didn't work for me in this instance.

3. Try Not To Be So Stupid, Dan. I had January 16 - 18 reserved months ago. I should've "opened the doors" 30 or even 60 days earlier. But I was, y'know, busy with other stuff. Kept procrastinating. Not smart of me.

If You're An Internet Marketer, How Can You Profit From All This?

Try new methods, but don't assume everything that works for Very Successful, Smart People will work for you.

If You Create Radio Advertising or Imaging, How Can You Profit From All This?

Join us in January. You can download the oh-so-easy-to-read PDF letter here, or you can go right to the Radio Copywriting Masters Web page. (There's another very cool bonus offered, both in the PDF and on the website.)

LIFE LESSON: You Can't Imagine What You Don't Know

I've used TiVo for years now. Even though I watch very little TV, I would hate to be forced to return to my pre-DVR days.

So why did it take my office manager, Robyn, two years to convince me to get Tivo?

Because it was something completely outside of my experience, and I couldn't imagine how and why it would be an improvement on my time-tested "pop in a VHS tape and set it on 'record' " method.

Underlying this is a principle I discovered nearly a decade ago.

I produce an annual event called PD Grad School, and I'm always on the lookout for cool gifts with which to surprise our attendees: official PD Grad School umbrellas with built-in flashlights; wastebaskets with attached basketball hoops and cheering crowds when you "sink" a shot; a tiny desktop helicopter that actually flies up to the ceiling and gently floats back down.

Oh, and who can forget the Moo Mixer -- a device that automatically mixes milk and chocolate, thereby removing the strenuous effort heretofore associated with making a glass of chocolate milk?

And the Pro Thumb Wrestling Ring.

Often I discover these by attending an annual event called The L.A. Gift Show. It's a big event that runs several days.

When I happen to be in town during this event, usually I attend it. I always go on a Sunday, because usually that's my only "free" day.

One Sunday a few years ago, I had "L.A. Gift Show" on my calendar. But I just didn't feel like going.

Not because I didn't want to discover more cool gifts for our attendees. But because....

I simply could not imagine what they might have there that would be worth giving up most of my Sunday.

I tried to imagine what exciting, innovative, fun gadgets & toys they might have. But I'd been to so many of these gift shows over the years; what could they possibly have that's both new and worth my time?

Because I couldn't imagine what new goodies they might have there, I decided not to go. Too much hassle. I had too many other things to do.

And then, at the last moment — knowing I'd be wasting my time — I decided to go anyway.

Attendees at that year’s PD Grad School left with half a dozen incredibly cool, completely unexpected, valuable gifts. Items that I never even knew existed until I attended that year's L.A. Gift Show.

The Gift Show I didn't want to attend turned out to be the most productive one of all for me. But I came this close to not attending ...because I could not imagine what they possibly could have there that I didn't already know about.

No matter how much you know, you don't know it all. And most of what you don't know you don't even know you don't know.

Now, I'm using PD Grad School as an example because I've just announced the 2009 lineup of topics and guest speakers. And I know (sigh) that there are lots of smart, ambitious radio station program directors who won't even consider attending — because they can't imagine what it is our guest speakers might know that they don't know.

I'm not talking about arrogance. These aren't smug, "know it all" PDs. But they see the topics and think, "Well, I know something about that topic. What could that guest speaker know about it that I don't already know?"

Answer: A lot.

This applies to all kinds of new experiences. No, you shouldn't indiscriminately say yes to every new offer that comes your way.

But don't pass up new experiences solely because you don't know exactly what will happen. You don't know what you don't know. (Of course, maybe you already know that.)

If you'd like to see some of the things we'll be teaching at PD Grad School that you might not yet know, here's where to look.

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Verizon's Push-To-Talk

Dave Corey contributes this horrible spot, along with an explanation:

Every time I hear this I ask myself if Verizon just pooped on their product. To me this commercial says, "Thank God that pest is off the Verizon push-to-talk; now we can get some work done." That's what I'm hearing. You?

Yep, that's the message Verizon is paying to advertise: "Lower your company's productivity today with Verizon's Push-To-Talk."

BOBBY OCEAN'S SUNDAY RADIO CARTOON

Illustration © 2008 by Bobby Ocean

YOUR RADIO MEMORIES

I've created this post for any Radio Programming Letter subscribers who would like to comment on the topics I address in the newest issue.

SMN's HISTORY OF RADIO: 1986 -

Part Seven from Satellite Music Network's “The History of Radio.”

ARE YOU A RADIO PROGRAM DIRECTOR?

The PD Grad School 2009 page finally is live. As I write this, YOU could be the first person to register.

This will be the most cutting-edge radio event ever. (He said, with a complete lack of bias.)

O'DAY'S TRAVEL WOES #13: Kentucky "Customer Service"

April, 1994: My first visit to Owensboro, Kentucky, had me conducting three seminars in two days. On Day One, I conducted both The Psychology of Management and Air Personality Plus+ for the joint Kentucky Broadcasters Association/Indiana Broadcasters Association convention.

One of my passions is Customer Service (whether it’s a radio station serving its listeners or advertisers...or a non-broadcast business serving its customers). The convention hotel provided my Customer Service seminar with lots of good material.

The hotel has a huge parking lot — the size of a football field. Having driven two hours from Evansville Airport (it would have been one hour, but I followed the directions provided by the hotel) and arriving late in the evening, I could not find a parking place anywhere near the front entrance.

Well, actually, there were three empty spaces right in front, just steps away from the entrance. No, they weren’t Handicapped spaces. They simply were marked, “NO PARKING — TOWAWAY.”

So I parked the equivalent of two city blocks away and struggled to the front door with my suitcase, computer, and box of seminar materials.

Upon checking in, I asked the desk clerk, “For whom are those three prime parking spaces reserved?” She didn’t know.

So I asked a bellman, and he explained, “One is for the owner. Another is for the owner’s mother. And the third is for the hotel manager.”

That told me all I needed to know about this hotel: It is operated for the convenience of the owner and manager, not for the customers. And that is why nothing that happened those two days surprised me....such as:

The KBA/IBA had requested an overhead projector for one of my seminars. But when I arrived at the seminar room, there was no projector. The KBA member in charge of dealing with the hotel asked the hotel’s contact person where it was. The hotel employee said, “You didn’t order one.”

“Yes, we did,” replied the broadcaster. “Here’s a copy of the paperwork that lists our equipment needs.”

“Well, yes, we did receive that,” conceded the hotel employee. “But the problem is the bulb in the overhead projector burned out.”

This, of course, explained why they did not have an overhead projector ready for us; the bulb had burned out. Keep a spare bulb on hand? Why should they do that? Send a hotel employee to a nearby store to buy new bulb? They certainly have better things to do with their time than that!

Believe me, I have half a dozen other stories about this hotel — all of which you can hear in my newly revised Customer Service seminar. Perhaps my favorite moment came when I checked out. I wanted to take with me an extra copy of the hotel’s Guest Comment Card. So I asked the desk clerk if she had one. She didn’t know what I was talking about.

“You know,” I said, “those little cards in the guest rooms that ask us to evaluate the quality of service we received during our stay?”

“I don’t know anything about that,” she replied. “I’ve only been here three months.”

Fortunately, the IBA and KBA were such gracious hosts that my non-hotel related memories of this trip are fond ones. This also afforded me my first opportunity to meet (the since deceased) J. T. Whitlock and to enjoy his hospitality.

On the following day, I conducted a special version of How To Create Maximum Impact Radio Advertising for convention attendees as well as employees & advertisers of WBKR/Owensboro. WBKR’s Gary Exline had been wanting to bring this seminar to town for several years, and he is a very persistent person. He arranged to have me stay over, took care of my fee, and invited not only his own people & clients to attend but also opened it up to any IBA and KBA convention attendees who wanted to stay for the extra morning.

My only regret on this trip was not visiting the Moonlight Cafe. WBKR’s Chuck Urban waited until he gave me a ride back to the airport in Evansville, Indiana, to tell me about the Moonlight, which apparently is famous for its barbecue. I, of course, am famous for loving barbecue. The Moonlight has a buffet that is supposed to be wonderful. (Now I’ve got to finagle another invitation to Owensboro to find out what I missed.)

A couple of weeks later I found myself in Nashville, where I conducted a full-day programming seminar for the National Christian Radio Conference. WAY-FM’s Dusty Rhodes had arranged for me to speak there, and I think the NCRS board of directors thought I was a bit expensive.

I told Dusty that although I don’t discount my fees, they would be paying for a day of seminar time...and that they could define what “a day" means. “You can have me work from 6AM until Midnight, if you wish,” I told Dusty.

Little did I know they would take me literally. The seminar began at 9:15AM and ended up 5:30PM. From 6:00PM until 1:00AM, I conducted individual aircheck critiques for NCRS attendees. Suffice it to say, the NCRS knows how to get its money’s worth. (They also were very nice to me, and I was glad to see them get what the British call “value for money.”)

The conference was held at the Holiday Inn Crowne Plaza, which has a revolving restaurant atop the building. It’s lovely...but you can feel the room moving in small, sudden starts. I kept thinking I was back home in Los Angeles, experiencing more earthquake aftershocks.

FINALLY! Guest speakers, topics for PD Grad School

Here's the final line-up of speakers & topics for PD GRAD SCHOOL 2009 (Los Angeles, February 27 - 28). As I write this, online registration isn't quite ready... But here's the 4-page brochure (PDF file):

ONE OF MY BIGGEST RADIO DISAPPOINTMENTS

I tried so hard to find someone who knew someone who could get me on the set -- on the ship they used for much of their shooting. I failed. Now I'm going to have a good cry.

SURE ENOUGH, THERE WERE PROBLEMS...

I "threw the switch" this morning to open our Radio Copywriting Masters class for registration...

And got a "404 error message."

Fortunately, I already had Gustavo (Web Guy #2) on standby, and registration is now (I hope) live....

WHAT WILL GO WRONG AT 11:59AM EST TODAY?

Something always goes wrong when I launch a big new project via Internet. At 11:30AM EST today, we're supposed to open registration for my annual Radio Copywriting Masters class. We've tested and retested the system....Gustavo is on alert, just in case....

Hope you're one of the 12 brave, ambitious, dedicated copywriters to join me for 3 intense days in January.

SHOCKING VIDEO OF COPYWRITING LAIR

Registration for my annual Radio Copywriting Masters class opens Wednesday at 11:30AM (EST).

Here's where 12 ambitious, dedicated radio copywriters will be spend the most profitable 3 days of their careers.

MEET THE BOBS (be sure to wait for "White Room")

Our regular "Monday Radio Commercial Smackdown" returns next week. At the moment I'm attempting the impossible: preparing to announce PD Grad School and to accept registrations for my annual Radio Copywriting Masters Class.

In the meantime, this video might be a lot cooler than you'll first think....

I've been a fan of The Bobs since their first album. Impossible to describe; "ya gotta be there."

I hadn't seen them in years, then caught them at McCabe's in Santa Monica a few months ago.

In addition to their extraordinary songwriting and brilliant vocals, there's something about their voice arrangements that simply seems to be on my exact inner frequency. (Yeah, I know that sounds New Age-ish.)

If the first excerpt on the video makes you think "novelty act" or "Oh, they sing songs from our grandparents' time," stick around to hear what they do with "White Room."

Oh, they also hold an interesting historical footnote: They were dropped from National Public Radio when one of their topical songs offended a powerful Special Interest Group: American bee keepers.

BOBBY OCEAN'S SUNDAY RADIO CARTOON

Illustration © 2008 by Bobby Ocean

CRITIQUE MY CRITIQUE; A.E. POISONING THE WELL

I've created this post for any Radio Advertising Letter subscribers who would like to comment on the two main topics I address in the newest issue.

SMN's HISTORY OF RADIO: 1976 – 1982

Part Six from Satellite Music Network's “The History of Radio.”

FINALIST, STUPIDEST HOLIDAY GIFT OF 2009

Nothing to with radio, although if you agree with my assessment then you and your listeners might have fun ridiculing this gift, with people encouraged to call in to nominate their own "dumbest" gifts.

MILITARY RADIO BUREAUCRACY

The U.S. Armed Forces Network has dedicated, mostly quite young, broadcasters deployed around the world. Over the years I've done seminars, coaching and critiques for them. The broadcasters are wonderful to work with.

The military bureaucracy? Uh, it's been interesting.

Most recent example: My critique for one particular base operation was emailed to a bunch of people at that base. And every one of those emails was returned to me as undeliverable.

Reason: The base's IT Department is "blocking all incoming email that ends with a dot-com."

Well, gee, I guess there can't be very many email addresses that end in "dot-com." I feel so much safer.

WHAT IS YOUR AUDIENCE REALLY DOING RIGHT NOW?

After spending all day on the phone, I think I've finalized the lineup for PD GRAD SCHOOL 2009. Tell me what you think about our newest guest speakers:

Gary Marince from Arbitron: "PROGRAMMING IN A PPM WORLD: How To Cut Through"

Philippe Generali gives a live demonstration of Media Monitors'"Audience Reactions" software that takes minute-by-minute PPM data and matches it up with what actually happened at that moment. Click on that moment, hear what it was.

(ALLEGED) CLEAR CHANNEL REDUCTION PLAN

An anonymous source forwarded this to me. It allegedly was sent by a Clear Channel employee to his/her colleagues.

This might be entirely fictitious. Then again, it might not.

I have removed any references that might identify the originator.

They are getting ready to unload a majority of the programming payroll in the company. Moved budget process to Jan so they could do it with Bain. If you work in a non-essential programming or talent position in a market beyond Top 25-50, please beware. This will also effect production, traffic, sales, IT and other positions where duties could be handled by one person.

Air talent - They are going to feed formats to above 25-30 top markets from San Antonio and other markets to start in 2009. PD's and jocks in these stations will be let go. OM's will program the entire cluster.

Make your plans now. They will not be paying giant severances as promised in July. That meant if you lost your job because of the transfer of power from Mays to Bain, you would be paid large. (Name Deleted) found this out last week and it's leaking out from VP's in the company. In (Market) where I was let go, this means all of those duplicate traffic positions, assistant IT, production people, traffic, news and promotions assistant will be absorbed by others. Most of the (Market) stations will be ordered to be voice tracked sooner than later.

Don't let them call you into an office, you need to have the upper hand and have another job and quit on them before they blast you. Again this isn't coming from me, I like the group there and don't want to see them get caught in a whirlwind.

Bill Drake 1937-2008 (from special guest columnist Ken Levine)

From special Guest Blogger Ken Levine...

The radio industry lost a giant on Saturday when Bill Drake died.

For any kid who grew up in the 60s, radio was a huge part of their life. It’s not like today. Back then if you were a teenager, radio was your constant companion. You had a favorite station, knew all the disc jockeys, could sing their jingles. It was a shared experience.

And one station revolutionized top 40. KHJ Los Angeles became “Boss Radio” in April of 1965. Its streamlined approach and exciting presentation captured the imagination of an entire generation. Within several years there were “Boss Radio” clones in every market in the country.

Bill Drake, along with Ron Jacobs (both pictured right), created that format.

Bill Drake became not only the most influential man in broadcasting but the music industry as well. Getting a record on KHJ could make a career. There by the grace of Bill Drake go the Doors, Byrds, Mamas & Papas, Sonny & Cher, and a hundred other 60s rock icons who might otherwise be making Blizzards at Dairy Queen today.

He was also a literal giant. Probably 6’8” with a deep commanding voice. If God did station liners that’s who He’d sound like. And Bill was rarely seen (also like God). In those heydays when he was the czar of the industry he’d camp out high in the hills in his Bel Air mansion and communicate via hotlines. It was the Zeus management style.

He later created automated music formats that ruled the nation’s FM dial for most of the 70s.

I worked for him in 1974. By then he had left KHJ and was trying to duplicate its success on FM. His star disc jockeys from Boss Radio, Robert W. Morgan and the Real Don Steele were brought over to start K100. And amazingly I was hired as well. Okay, so I was fired shortly thereafter… by Bill Drake. But my admiration for the man is so great I never held it against him.

A few years ago when my partner and I were doing research for a radio themed screenplay I called Bill and asked if we could have lunch with him and pick his brain. Generally a very private man, he graciously sat with us at Monty’s in Woodland Hills. It was a six-hour audience with the king whereby he gave us an absolute master class in the art of mass communication.

I am devastated by the loss and very blessed that I got to know him. Bill Drake was one of the most important influences of my life. And maybe yours too, even though this may be the first time you’ve ever heard the name.

To paraphrase one of his classic intros:

Bill Drake is… “number one then…and number one forever.”

New Radio Copywriting Video Is Online

NOTE: Today's REAL posting is immediately below this announcement.

I've just uploaded the 4th in my series of Radio Copywriting Masters case study videos.

If you're already on the Alert List, you should have received an email with the link.

If you're not yet on the list and want to view the free videos, here's where to sign up.

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MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Casino

Who is this woman supposed to be?

Why is she shouting & grinning?

To whom is she speaking?

Is she unbelievably stupid, or is she stupidly unbelievable?

A successful radio commercial needs to have a single Core Message — the one thing you want the targeted listener to hear, to understand, and to remember. Let's see how many different messages (regardless of how lame) they try to squeeze into this one spot:

• Over 3,500 slot machines

• They name 3 of the new slot machine games. ("Hey, Marge! Grab your hat, we've got to get over to San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casinos. They've got a new slot machine called 'Real Winners!' ")

• The slots area is newly expanded.

• Smoke-free room

• Another new slot machine name: "Cash Wheel"

• Penny machines

• An area for "classic games" (complete with examples)

• "A complete gaming, entertainment and dining experience"

• The poker room has been remodeled.

• High stakes bingo

• Live entertainment

This is the kind of radio commercial that gives bad advertising a bad name.