RADIO ADVERTISING: Don't Water Down The Good Stuff

Today was a good day.

I have a copywriting client for whom I've just completed a second seasonal radio advertising campaign.

The campaign goal: To sell event tickets online.

The commercials run in two different markets — one to the west of the event location, the other to the south.

For the first campaign, I created a commercial that they loved — but that made the Powers That Be a little nervous. They worried that the key reference was a little too "edgy."

They wanted me to change the reference, to replace it with something similar but less provocative. They even suggested what we could replace it with.

I told them they'd be better off with the "edgy" version. I understood their concerns but knew they were being overly cautious.

Still, the Biggest Power That Be was nervous about my approach, wanted to use the watered-down replacement, and asked me to rewrite the spot to accommodate it.

Okay. I rewrote it so the replacement fit the entire copy. The client was happy. I was disappointed; we had replaced a great spot with a pretty good spot. But that's the way it goes.

I didn't hear from them for a while and had made a note to call to find out when the campaign would begin. Before I could call, however, I received an excited e-mail.

After one week of the new campaign airing in Market A, their online sales had doubled. A 100% increase.

"That's good," I thought.

Then I looked at the results for Market B: Online sales had tripled.

And oh, by the way, in Market B they had decided to go with my "edgier" commercial.

A 100% increase feels very good. A 300% increase feels exceptionally good.

That was the first campaign.

For the second campaign, once again one of the spots I gave them was — not "edgy," exactly. But the payoff definitely didn't fit the kind of advertising usually associated with this particular client.

They loved that spot, just wanted me to replace that one "edgy" word with... anything else. But this time, I couldn't make the change and still make it work. That one word was key to the entire story. I told them I didn't know how to make the change without killing the spot.

The next day, another e-mail arrived. "The Biggest Power That Be has decided to go with the (edgy word) commercial!"

They won't regret it.

Today was a good day.

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Tax Firm

Let's Begin With The Good.

The opening line clearly identifies and captures the attention of the targeted listener.

These lines are strong:

"The IRS is looking for you."

"The most brutal collection agency in the world."

The rest, alas, is a bit of a mess.

This commercial sounds as though the copywriter made a list of all the points that might be included in the spot — and reeled them off, one by one. The result is disjointed. The commercial has no flow; it doesn't pull you along. The guy just keeps talking until his 60 seconds are up.

"The IRS will stop at nothing. Don't let this happen to you."

Huh? Two disjointed thoughts. Seeds of copywriting approaches, yes. Fully grown copy, no.

The problem is intensified by the announcer's delivery. You're saying someone is out to get me? Someone might put me in jail? That's serious, highly personal stuff. But this guy sounds like a voiceover for a 1960s laundry detergent commercial.

"...just hired a massive amount of new government agents"

— I don't believe that. It might be true, but this spot makes it sound like a bluff because it avoids any specifics. If it is true, then the number of new agents is a matter of public record. Find that number and put it in the commercial. Remember, Specificity Helps Create Believability.

Tax Relief ASAP is "the most effective tax firm"? What does that mean? Who says they're the most effective? (Actually, you and I know the answer: They say they are.) If you're going to make a "best" claim, you need to specify what you're best at, and you'd better have something to back it up. Otherwise, it's just an empty boast that doesn't help build your credibility.

"Over 31 years of proven experience"

— I think I smell a client's copywriting at work. Is that supposed to be a Unique Selling Proposition? If I've got tax troubles and I find a firm that has over 32 years of experience, should I choose them instead?

When they list what the IRS can do to you, they should stop after the third threat. Informally known as "The Rule of Threes," you need to stop before the listener finds it tedious.

Let's take some of the raw material that somehow was read directly into a microphone and begin to craft a more cohesive, personal and powerful message:

If you owe the federal government at least $10,000 or have unfiled back taxes, 18,000 IRS agents are looking for you. They can seize your property, force you into foreclosure, even put you in jail. But there IS some good news: If you owe the IRS $10,000 or more, you may qualify for the 2008 settlement program. That means you might be able to make things right for just pennies on the dollar — legally. No more sleepless nights. No more worrying when the phone rings. No more fear of losing everything, all because you got behind on your taxes....