O'DAY'S TRAVEL WOES #9: Learning A Life Lesson in Worcester, Massachusetts

November, 1993 (continued):

My November travel schedule continued with two seminars on a Saturday for Al Sprague and the New Hampshire Association of Broadcasters’ Convention in Manchester. In the morning, I conducted THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MANAGEMENT: How to Motivate Your Staff to Peak Performance. The afternoon was devoted to HOW TO CREATE MAXIMUM IMPACT RADIO ADVERTISING.

Apparently the convention attendees responded favorably, because Al booked me to return in 1994 for my fifth NHAB appearance. (Al has a very no-nonsense way of doing business, which I like.)

That night I drove to Worcester, Massachusetts, where on Sunday I conducted my AIR PERSONALITY PLUS+ seminar for any radio station program directors and air personalities who cared to attend. Approximately 100 people from all over New England came for an invigorating day of playing tapes and talking “real” radio.

After the seminar ended, I found myself with a free evening before driving back to Boston to catch a plane home. This was the night of the heavyweight championship fight between Riddick Bowe and Evander Holyfield.

Being a fan of world-class boxing (which, of course, no longer exists), I asked around to see if the fight might be available on closed-circuit broadcast anywhere nearby.

It turned out it was being offered at a sports bar just six blocks away...for a $5 cover charge. Inasmuch as in my hometown of Los Angeles the cover charge for the closed circuit broadcast was $35, I was thrilled. (I also was thrilled to find myself actually leaving the hotel and doing something of a non-work nature during a trip — very unusual for me.)

Even better, the local tourist magazine in my hotel room included a coupon good for free admission to this sports bar. So I didn't even have to pay the 5 bucks.

So far, so good. I walked to the sports bar, which is located directly across the street from the big arena in Worcester, which that same night was featuring Billy Joel in concert. So instead of holing up in my hotel room and working on my computer, I found myself smack dab in the middle of the action.

I arrived a couple of hours before fight time, to be sure I got a good seat. I managed to get a small table all to myself, right in front of one of the large tv monitors.

Exhausted from the full-day seminar (usually I stand for the entire eight hours), I scanned the menu. I was hungry and I had a couple of hours to kill, so I was looking forward to eating. Being a no-frills sports bar, the menu wasn’t huge. I settled on the chicken burger, congratulating myself on avoiding the fattier and more cholesterol-laden beef hamburgers.

The food arrived, and it was pretty good. I ate slowly, reading a magazine and feeling wonderful. The seminar had gone well, the attendees seemed very pleased, I had enjoyed the walk from my hotel to the bar, I had a great seat for a free heavyweight championship fight — a perfect day.

Or so I thought.

Shortly after finishing my meal, I found myself feeling very drowsy. So drowsy that, as I awaited the start of the fight, I put my head on the table...and fell asleep.

(I realized I was asleep when a waiter came over, touched me on the shoulder, and asked if I was all right. It’s a strange experience for a non-drinker to realize the waiter thinks I’ve gotten drunk and I’ve passed out.)

Finally the fight began, but I had trouble concentrating on it. Maybe it was the smoke in the bar, maybe it was the crowd noise, maybe it was the effect of several days’ hard travel and hard work.... But I began to feel dizzy. Nauseous.

And it just got worse and worse. Soon I didn’t care who won the fight; I just wanted it to be over.

This, you might recall, was the fight that was interrupted for 40 minutes by some jerk parachuting into the ring. Not only did he endanger the lives of the fighters, officials, and ringsiders; he also prolonged my agony.

(Why didn’t I just get up and leave? I’m not sure. Maybe because I kept hoping I’d feel better. Maybe because I felt too unsteady to push my way through the crowd to the doorway.)

Finally, the fight was over. I made it outside the sports bar. Being a few hours later, it was a bit colder than when I had walked over from my hotel...but nowhere as cold as it felt to me. As I began walking toward the hotel, I found myself wracked with violent shivers.

(Imagine yourself in Juneau, Alaska, on a January night, wearing a t-shirt and shorts. That’s how I felt.)

I summoned enough presence of mind to realize there was no way I could make it to the hotel on foot. After about a block, I managed to wave down a taxi. Opening the door, I said, “Clarion Suites Hotel. I know it’s just a few blocks, but I’ll give you a five-dollar tip to take me there.”

The driver dropped me off in front of the hotel. I staggered past the front desk — “too much celebrating,” they probably thought — took the elevator to the top floor, stopped my hand from shaking just long enough to get the key in my door, rushed into the bathroom and vomited. Repeatedly. For a long time.

It was while emptying the contents of my stomach that I realized a Life Lesson that I share with you now: When ordering food in a sports bar, do NOT order the chicken burger.

As you’ve probably guessed, I had food poisoning.

Our friend, the Salmonella.

Thinking about it later, I realized I had ordered the single most risky item on the menu.

You can see when a hamburger isn’t cooked; it’s still red inside. But chicken burgers don’t change color very much. You can’t tell by looking — or even by taking a bite, especially when it’s trapped between a bun and with lettuce & tomato and condiments — if the inside has not gotten as hot as it should be.

If the inside has not reached a certain minimum temperature, any salmonella lurking within will not die. And, as you know, chicken is a much friendlier carrier for salmonella than beef.

I don’t want to get too graphic here. Let’s leave it at this: The entire night consisted of my vomiting for a few minutes, then staggering back to bed for an hour of delirious half-sleep....Only to be summoned back to the bathroom for yet another round of purging.

When daylight came, I realized there was no way for me to make the drive back to Boston for the flight home. Instead, I spent Monday pretty much as I had spent Sunday night.

By Monday evening, I seemed to have exorcised the last of the chicken burger. I called to the front desk and asked if they could bring me some ginger ale.

(By this time, I imagined that to the hotel staff I had taken on the aura of “the mysterious person in the suite on the top floor. He’s had the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign out all day, he hasn’t left his room since tottering past the front desk last night...”)

Monday night was better. Tuesday morning I drove to Boston, still a little wobbly but enjoying the fresh air. Tuesday evening I was back home in L.A.

And I’ll never eat another chicken burger as long as I live.

DAN O'DAY WOWS ITALIAN MORNING SHOW

When visiting Italy's R101 recently, the morning show prevailed upon me to record a promo for them. As I think you'll see, I pretty much nailed it.

O'Day, Paolo Cavallone, Christiano Militello, Massimo Lopez

Oh, Paolo's very last word in the video, "Poveretto"?

I'm told it translates roughly to, "That man is a real professional."

THE GLAMOROUS LIFE OF A RADIO STAR

Here's a coincidence. Last week I wrote at length about the radio legacy of Terry Moss, and I mentioned that at one point he was Editor of a radio prep service I published, Galaxy.

My first editor went on to become a radio legend: Ross Brittain. Best known as one half, along with Scott Shannon, of Z-100/New York's original Morning Zoo. Now morning host at WOGL/Philadelphia.

At the moment, Ross is in Cancun, Mexico, with a bunch of listeners. I just received an e-mail from him with the message, "My radio career summed up in a quick video clip." I think you'll see what he means...

Ross says the video was made by Jason Fifeld — "a professional video guy we bring along to take video and then link to our web site so we have 'beauty moments' for listeners to see."

"RADIO PROGRAMMING SECRETS REVEALED": How Was It?

If you attended today's Mike McVay teleseminar:

How was it?

What's the valuable thought/concept/tip you got from it?

RADIO DJ QUITS ON-AIR

Jim McGrath turned me onto this, at radioearth.com, which graciously gave me permission to share it with you here.

The staff and management of DAN O’DAY TALKS ABOUT RADIO neither endorses the actions of this DJ nor the opinions and/or allegations expressed in this audio recording.

MONDAY COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Teachers' Commercial Flunks

This is a feel-good spot for the California Teachers Association. It's designed to give its members a warm-and-fuzzy feeling. But it does nothing to help those children who deserve a chance to learn.

The kids' singing is cute. So cute you want to vomit.

The singing is too muddy — a complete waste. The children aren't to blame; the audio producers are. (Wait, it is possible the producers were at the mercy of a Higher Up With A Brilliant Idea.)

The sound quality is appropriate for a grade school musical performance, where actually understanding the words isn't crucial to the audience's enjoyment. But if you don't understand the lyrics being sung in a commercial, what's the point?

Musically, it's terrible. You tell me: Is that melody catchy, or is it tedious? (Is it even a melody?)

David Sanchez, President of the California Teachers Association, probably is a swell guy and a dedicated educator. But he's not a very good voice performer. So why is he on this spot?

The first announcer tag is fine: A child's voice clearing stating, "This message was brought to you by the California Teachers Association."

But whoops, they've got to add a slogan: "Because every child deserves a chance to learn."

Nothing wrong with that slogan. In fact, it's strong and well crafted.

But the kid who gave the "brought to you by" tag should have continued with the slogan. It's a single sentence:

"This message was brought to you by the California Teachers Association, because every child deserves a chance to learn."

Why did they switch to a second kid's voice?

Well, if this were a school performance, the reason would've been to showcase as many of the children as possible — out of fairness and also to limit the number of "Why didn't my little Johnny get to sing a solo" complaints.

If it were a TV commercial, they would have switched to a second and possibly a third child to visually display diversity. We'd see two genders and, probably, at least two racial or ethnic backgrounds.

But this is a radio commercial. Having two voices in 8 seconds speak in a linear fashion (not engaging in a dialogue) doesn't make any sense here.

The combined voices at the end, by the way, are used to deliver a second slogan: "Because no child succeeds alone."

HERE COMES THE CLUE TRAIN: What's your Core Message — the one thing you want the targeted listener to hear, to understand and to remember? Is it "deserves a chance to learn," or is it "succeeds alone"?

Answer: Neither. The Core Message is "success at school starts at home." Jettison the distracting, competing slogans and stick with that core message.

In All The World, I Am Unique.

Seriously, I am.

I'm the only person in the world who, as a result of hearing this commercial, went to the CTA's website "for tips on how you can help your child in school." (In case you missed it, that's what they wanted the listener to do.)

After clicking on far too many links, I found their "7 Tips to Help Your Child Learn."

I'll bet I can turn each of these tips into pretty darn good radio com– Oh. Maybe I can't. Not that there's anything objectionable about those 7 tips. Well, at least the first five; I fell asleep during "...your children can learn fractions and measurements while you prepare favorite foods together."

Okay, let's click on "52 Ways to Help Your Child Learn." Did they deliberately format those 52 ways in a manner guaranteed to discourage people from reading it, or is that a happy accident?

Oh, but you can download a PDF version. I'll bet that one is highly readable.

Ah, no. It's exactly like the HTML version. Go ahead, take a look. Tell the truth: How likely are you to read that thing?

I give up. Nothing on that site — Hey, wait! "99 Ways to Say Very Good." Maybe....

Oh, yeah. There's our commercial.

(A DIFFERENT ADULT VOICE FOR EACH ONE OF THESE)

GREAT!

Good!

That’s RIGHT!

GOOD WORK!

I’m very proud of you.

WOW!

I knew you could do it.

TERRIFIC!

Couldn’t have done it better myself.

Nice going.

EXCELLENT!

OUTSTANDING!

That’s it!

FANTASTIC!

Way to go!

Good job, (Child’s Name).

ANNOUNCER: Want to help your children succeed in school? Encourage them, every day. There are so many ways you can say to your child, "Good job!" A message from the California Teachers Association.

Yeah, I changed their Core Message. You got a problem with that?

SO LONG, TERRY MOSS

Terry's last few years of life were tumultuous: His illness, personal relationships, his continuing habit of becoming geographically restless and moving every couple of years (Long Beach, CA; Las Vegas; Durango, CO; Vegas again; Dallas).

He spent his last Thanksgiving at my house, with my family.

Six months later he was hospitalized, for neither the first nor the last time. When he heard I was going to visit Terry in the hospital, my 4 1/2-year old son asked me to bring Terry a letter. Matthew dictated, and I typed it up.

May 1, 1994

Dear Terry,

I hope you feel better soon.

We miss you.

I hope we can send you a copy of THE TREEHOUSE. That’s a computer program where you can do music and animals and all this stuff.

I wish I could have visited you yesterday. I can’t wait until we see each other again. Come over here soon.

There was a Moon Bounce at Kiely’s school’s carnival, and there was this rope thing and you climb up on it and then there’s an enormous blue slide and then you go down it. And it’s so much fun going down it, it’s very fun.

I’m going to a carnival this Sunday. I hope there will be a Moon Bounce, and I hope there will be the rope thing where you slide down and it’s so much fun.

Do you have a pet animal?

I hope you get this letter today.

I hope I can invite for Thanksgiving again.

I love Terry. I hope I can give you a flower.

I hope I will give you a movie that no one likes in this family.

I hope we can go to a Thai restaurant soon, with Terry and Daddy and Matthew.

When Daddy visits you today, he will bring a book just for Terry. There’s a rooster on the front.

Matthew wrote this letter.

Love,
Matthew

Illustration ©2008 by Bobby Ocean

TERRY MOSS CAUSES THE FCC TO SAY: "STOP ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO LISTEN"

Happy Birthday, Terry Moss

As far as I know, Terry Moss' first entrepreneurial venture was a monthly aircheck service called CAL-ROCK. As a young DJ, I was a subscriber.

His next contribution to radio personalities around the world continues to bring smiles to DJs and listeners alike: The first volume of what became a 5-LP series, Cheap Radio Thrills.

(Originally I had planned to mail all of my Preferred Customers a special offer this week: The Cheap Radio Thrills package — which now is 3 CDs — at half-price. I thought it would be nice to do something to get Terry's audio baby into the hands of even more radio people. But I feared it would seem tacky, that I was using Terry's birthday as an excuse for a sale.

(Finally I hit upon a compromise: Only the people who read this blog posting will know about the 50% discount offer, and I'll take it down next week. Because there are thousands of people on my Preferred Customer List but, uh, fewer readers of this blog, that means just a few sales will be made — so few that I'm hoping it will protect me from accusations of greed.)

As any old American DJ will confirm, for many years radio stations were required to broadcast periodic tests of the Emergency Broadcast System. Here's what the listener would hear:

For the next 60 seconds, this station will conduct a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. The following is only a test.

That would be followed by this test tone:

Then the announcer would return to say:

This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. The broadcasters of your area in voluntary cooperation with the FCC and federal, state, and local authorities have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an emergency. If this had been an actual emergency, the Attention Signal you just heard would have been followed by official information, news, or instructions. This station serves the [ ] area. This concludes this test of the Emergency Broadcast System.

Invariably the jock would read that copy in a monotone, there'd be silence, then the test tone, then the jock would return to read the close with the same disinterested inflection.

Terry decided to change all that — with these two cuts from Cheap Radio Thrills. Here's the introduction:

After the intro, the test tone would be broadcast. Then this cut would be played, complete with a donut for the announcer to read the boilerplate copy that begins, "The broadcasters of your area..."

Question: As a listener, which test would you be more likely to pay attention to? The one delivered in the bored monotone, or the musical version?

Clearly far more people would actually listen to the musical rendition — which really upset the FCC. People actually paying attention to the E.B.S. tests??

So in its infinite wisdom, the FCC decreed that the Emergency Broadcast System test could not be sung.

Bored monotone that no one listens to = Good.

Entertaining version that many people listen to = Bad.

Tomorrow: Farewell to Terry Moss — with a little help from another Radio/Production Guy: Bobby Ocean.

RADIO SHOW PREP TIPS FROM TERRY MOSS

Terry Moss was the creative genius behind Cheap Radio Thrills, a terrific DJ, and a friend and inspiration to me. Tomorrow is his birthday.

Terry answers the question, "Where & when do you do your show prep?" His comment on what he listens to while driving in to do his daily air shift is simple ...but valuable.

If you're lucky enough to work for a radio station that still has a News Department, consider this:

Tomorrow: The audio production that caused the Federal Communications Commission to make a new rule.

RADIO PERSONALITY POP QUIZ FROM TERRY MOSS

This week I'm sharing advice, inspiration, and "the radio vibe" from my sorely missed friend, Terry Moss.

I don't have any photos of Terry. His sister, Mary, was kind enough to scan a few of her personal pictures and send them to me.

I don't know where or when this taken, but it's a family picture. When I spoke with Mary, still in the family's hometown of Rochester, New York, she said, "Although we fought a bit when we were kids, once we were adults we were such good friends. I always imagined that one day we'd both retire and live near each other, keeping each other company."

Here's some advice from Terry to DJs everywhere. Note: The "comedy sheet" he scolds is the one I wrote & published.

Tomorrow: Show Prep tips plus how Terry's news guys helped him prepare for his show.

"ASK MIKE McVAY" TELESEMINAR UPDATE

NOTE: Today's REAL posting is immediately below this teleseminar update.

Radio programmers from six countries have grabbed 40% of the 195 slots for the Ask Mike McVay About Radio Programming teleseminar. Hope you'll join us.

TERRY MOSS: THE SHOW PREP SECRET and THE MILITARY SCANDAL

Yesterday Terry teased "one of the greatest secrets" of show prep, revealed to him by "an old Italian morning man." Here, Terry reveals the secret.

I believe it was this moment that caused me to adopt a habit that people who know me instantly will recognize. (Hint: Something that's always in my shirt pocket).

During his stint with Armed Forces Radio & Television, Terry (far left) portrayed the notorious Black Bart on a popular Canal Zone children's show. (Also featured in the photo, left to right, are Kathy Holcomb, Carl Gentry, and Mike "Happy" Hoyer.)

Although popular with TV viewers, radio listeners, and his fellow servicemen, Terry was considerably less popular with "the brass." Gerald M. Fry recalls this incident — which I never heard about from Terry — from the Panama Canal Zone during the Vietnam War:

I was Terry's commanding officer in Armed Forces Radio & Television. I should have kept the infamous anti-war morning show that Terry pre-taped in 1969. I turned on SCN Radio that morning as I always did while preparing to go to work and couldn't believe what I was hearing — wall-to-wall anti-war songs of the day (this was the day of the big peacenik march on Washington, D.C.) with no Terry in between.

I called him to see what was going on and he confessed that he not only planned this personal anti-war statement, but knowing that he might be caught in the act, he had pre-taped the entire two-hour show.

I ordered him to dump the tape, go to a PSA, then resume a normal, live wake-up show with time hacks and community announcements and no more anti-war music. I also told him that I would try to save his rear end from a court martial should anyone above me have heard what was on the air.

Of course they were listening, and I was called on the carpet to explain how such a thing could happen. I successfully saved him from an Article 15 court martial, but I was ordered to pull him off the air permanently. My argument that we had no one presently on staff that good fell on deaf ears and I had to relegate Terry to strictly production duties where his pre-recorded stuff could be auditioned before it aired.

Naturally, everything he turned out of the production booth was highly creative, original, full of life, and mostly funny. Working with our limited production library, he found the elements he needed from our music library and turned out first-class work.

Terry was very apologetic for embarrassing me by his actions that day, but he felt strongly about the Vietnam war and had to express himself in the most creative way at his disposal. I was more upset with him for letting the cat out of the bag that we had all those songs in our library — my instructions had been to play them very selectively at times when command brass would be unlikely to hear them. Military paranoia was quite evident in the Canal Zone in those days.

Tomorrow: A pop quiz from Terry for all radio personalities.

"ASK MIKE McVAY" OPEN FOR REGISTRATION

NOTE: Today's REAL posting is immediately below this teleseminar update.

The Ask Mike McVay About Radio Programming teleseminar is open for registration. Limited to 195 attendees.

TERRY MOSS: Real Radio Guy. Sorely Missed Friend.

Terry Moss was an unpretentious, supremely talented, highly creative radio personality and production wizard. He had cool, fun ideas and brought them to life — among them, the Cheap Radio Thrills series that still is used by radio stations around the world. (I've heard CRT cuts on the programs of virtually every "big name" in North America, regardless of format.)

Terry was a friend, inspiration, cohort and pal. He died 14 years ago. Saturday, October 25, is his birthday. For the rest of this week, I'm going to tell you about Terry Moss.

Everyone I've ever met who worked with Terry as a disc jockey says he was the most prepared jock they'd ever seen — and the most relaxed behind a microphone. He never had to try to be a radio personality; he just sat down, opened the mic, and made his listeners feel at home as a host welcomes guests to his party.

People who knew him as a production guy don't talk about his editing skills. They say, "When he was in the production room, he was so creative — Well, it was amazing."

Terry founded L.A. Air Force (which now is part of my company), and he was Editor and then Publisher of a show prep service I founded, Galaxy.

His sense of fun caused the Federal Communications Commission to make a new rule against — well, basically, a rule against having fun on the radio. (I'll tell you that story — complete with audio — on Saturday.)

His sense of conscience almost got him court martialed while broadcasting for Armed Forces Radio & Television in the Panama Canal Zone.

Terry Moss played the last Top 40 record on KHJ/Los Angeles, and he was one of a handful of air talents chosen to figure out how to deliver a personality-oriented music program via satellite to stations across the country.

Between now and Saturday, I'll share with you some of Terry's advice to jocks, taken from a panel session I produced & moderated at an NAB convention in 1985. You might be bored, you might be interested; I don't know. But this is one of radio's all-time shining stars, talking directly to you, trying to help if he can. That's what Terry Moss always did.

Yeah, the rest of us on the panel thought he was talking about the power of "the tease," too. But that's not it. Because Terry chose not to reveal his secret immediately, I'll honor his wish and wait until tomorrow to share it with you.

I remember visiting the new, eerily quiet Hollywood studios of Transtar. It was a radical new idea: providing 24-hour live, "local-sounding" music programming to radio stations all across the U.S. Transtar became Unistar, which ultimately was purchased by Westwood One.

Here's Terry Moss, explaining a concept that now is familiar to everyone in radio but at the time was brand-new and unfamiliar to most of the industry.

Tomorrow: Terry reveals his secret show prep method. Plus the story of how he almost spent a couple of years in the brig — because he had something to say that he was willing to risk his freedom for.

MONDAY COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Investment Advice

Unlike many of the commercials I critique in this space, this one is not a piece of crap. But it's nowhere as good as it should be.

Here is the first of two compliments I will give to this commercial: There are few enough words to allow for a conversational delivery. This is a serious message, and cramming in too much information, hype or "entertainment" would contradict the sober, mature message they are attempting to deliver.

• You have only 60 seconds to deliver your message. Don't waste time by telling the listener that what you're about to say is a fact and then telling them a fact.

Compare these two opening lines:

(Original) It's a fact: If your investment portfolio is worth $500,000 or more, you are a high net worth investor...

(Revised) If your investment portfolio is worth $500,000 or more, you are a high net worth investor...

Is the message in any way strengthened by beginning with, "It's a fact"? No? Is it weakened by omitting those 3 words? No? Then delete those 3 words.

The Opening Line Is The Commercial For The Commercial.

This spot attempts to attract the attention of "high net worth investors." Which opening line is more likely to attract such listeners?

"It's a fact..."

or

"If your investment portfolio is worth $500,000 or more..."

In a radio commercial, there is no time to waste. Hit the ground running, by grabbing the attention of your target audience.

• What is the value of stating that "If your investment portfolio is worth $500,000 or more, you are a high net worth investor"?

"High net worth investor" might well be part of the investment world's lexicon, but what's important to the targeted listeners is that they have investments worth at least $500,000.

Because the term isn't used again in the commercial, clearly it's not there for legal reasons; this offer is not being made only to "high net worth investors."

Delete "high net worth investor."

• "And if you want to better protect your sizable investments, you have to avoid making disastrous mistakes that can seriously reduce the value of your portfolio."

— Oh! So making disastrous mistakes that can seriously reduce the value of my portfolio might harm my investments? What a revelation. Note to self: Making disastrous mistakes = NOT good.

• "That's why we believe" — More wasted time, wasted words, unnecessary demands on the listener's attention.

• As so often is the case in direct response commercials, the telephone number is given before anyone in the audience could possibly want it.

HERE COMES THE CLUE TRAIN: First make people want what you have, THEN tell them how to get it.

• They also introduce the advertiser's name before it is relevant to the audience. Why should they care about Fisher Investments? Because that's who will give them this valuable, free report. But the first time Fisher Investments is mentioned, the "valuable report" hasn't yet been introduced to the listener.

• They include one very good word: "loaded" — "This free report is loaded with easy-to-understand tips and techniques...." Suddenly an informal, action-oriented word, followed by an easy to digest description.

But then they return to redundancy: "techniques that you can use to keep your portfolio safe — and help prevent losing years of investment gains."

Um, don't "keep your portfolio safe" and "prevent losing years of investment gains" essentially mean the same thing? ("Keep your portfolio safe" is broader, but in this commercial they mean the same thing.)

• A tiny thing, but one that signals to the listener, "Bad Communicator At Work": "To get your free report titled The Eight Biggest Mistakes Investors And How To Avoid Them" — using "titled" in that context is like saying "located at."

Would it be any weaker to say, "To get your free report, The Eight Biggest Mistakes Investors And How To Avoid Them"?

No? Sorry, "titled," you're gone. If it's not actively helping the sales message, it doesn't belong in the commercial.

• Finally, the message isn't specific enough. It begins by identifying a well defined group: investors whose portfolios are worth $500,000 or more. But for whom was their free report created? According to the title, it's for "investors." Not "high net worth investors" (which would have justified the use of that phrase earlier in the spot).

It's like saying, "Hey, vegetarians! You should get our terrific new cookbook, 1,001 Tips For Better Barbecuing." If you've gone to the trouble of attracting the attention of vegetarians, how about offering them 1,001 Tips For Vegetarian Barbecuing?

QUICK & DIRTY REWRITE

Right now I have a major copywriting job awaiting my attention, so I'm determined not to spend hours on an unsolicited (and probably unwelcomed) freebie rewrite. So I'll give this no more than 5 minutes, starting....NOW.

If your investment portfolio is worth at least $500,000, you need to protect it. After all, investments and securities involve the risk of loss. Even sophisticated investors can make disastrous mistakes — sometimes by what they do, sometimes by what they don't do. If you're a high net worth investor, you need to read our free report, "The Eight Biggest Mistakes High Net Worth Investors Make And How To Avoid Them." This free report is loaded with easy-to-understand tips and techniques that will keep your portfolio safe — and protect your future. We're Fisher Investments, and helping people like you protect their financial futures is what we do. For your free report, call 1-800-900-4179. That's 1-800-900-4179. You've got nothing to lose by making that call — but a lot to lose if you don't protect your investment. Call now for your free report at 1-800-900-4179.

That's not polished. It could be better. But my 5 minutes are up.

PROGRAMMERS' ACHILLES HEEL, TIME CHECKS, TWITTER, PDs' AIRCHECK PREFERENCES

Those are the major topics in the current issue of my Radio Programming Letter.

I've created this post for any subscribers who would like to comment, disagree, or illuminate.

SMN's HISTORY OF RADIO: 1920 – 1937

I've been to so many broadcast conventions & conferences I've lost count. Early in my career I attended as a registrant. For the past 20+ years I've attended as a guest speaker. But I just realized something: Most radio people never have been to a large radio conference.

My first was a Billboard convention in New York. I was working in a tiny market in Florida, and on my salary I never would have thought of going if Billboard hadn't done something sneaky: They nominated me Small Market Radio Personality of the Year.

The convention was held at the Plaza Hotel.

The Plaza Hotel (In Happier Times)

Yes, that Plaza Hotel. I had to resist writing "...the fabled Plaza Hotel."

Fabled or not, famous and synonymous with luxury as it was, my room there was...How shall I put this...?

Well, you've seen restrooms at truck stops? My Plaza Hotel room was almost as nice.

It was a pit.

A toilet.

Disgusting.

If you doubt me, just ask the cockroaches with whom I shared it.

I ate all my meals at the Burger King down the street — except for the Awards Banquet, emceed by the inestimable Gary Owens. I still recall his opening line: "Earlier today I had lunch here in the hotel, in the Snobbery Room...."

These days broadcast conferences tend to be much less lively affairs. Considerably less partying. Drastically fewer cool goodies. And gone are the days when a young DJ could eat an entire day's worth of food by cruising the hospitality suites in the evening.

One modest tote bag stuffer in the early 1990s was a CD produced by Satellite Music Network: "The History of Radio." SMN has transmogrified to ABC Music Radio. But that CD has sat on my shelf all these years. Here's the first installment.

O'DAY'S TRAVEL WOES #8: Is God Making Me Cough?

November, 1993: I had a very enjoyable day in Houston, conducting HOW TO CREATE MAXIMUM IMPACT RADIO ADVERTISING for the staff of KZFX, thanks to Mary Bennett and Dan Michaels.

When I conduct this seminar in-station (for salespeople as well as copywriters; it’s really a sales seminar), at the end of the day I take the group through an exercise that is great for generating fresh, appropriate ideas for specific accounts. What’s really nice about this exercise is I lead the group through it, but they come up with all the good ideas.

One of the account executives mentioned she was looking for an original concept for a mortgage company, encouraging people to take advantage of low interest rates by refinancing their homes. The group went through the exercise. They ended up with a concept that I think is wonderful:

The spot consists of a phone call between a man and his father-in-law; we hear only the son-in-law’s side of the conversation. He has called “Dad” to say they’ve refinanced at a lower rate, and with the money they’re saving they’re paying back all that “Dad” had loaned them for the down-payment...with interest.

Which means he can stop worrying about the house...stop telling them how to decorate...stop calling to inquire if they’ve rechecked the wiring or done another termite test....

It’s done lightly, not bitterly, but you can tell the father-in-law has been acting like it’s his house, not theirs.

I suggested the closing line of the commercial: “Oh, and Dad...You know our den — the room you used to call your study? Little Johnny is there right now, and do you know what he’s doing? He’s writing on the walls!”

(When I teach this seminar, I stress the importance of identifying the “core message” of the campaign. The group identified one possible core message inherent in refinancing as the idea of independence. Once we had identified that core message, the group was free to find a creative, fun way to demonstrate independence.)

Tuesday Weld

When reporting on my travel woes, I like to include photographs whenever possible. I don't have any for this week's installment. So I'm emulating (i.e., ripping off) my friend Ken Levine; whenever he doesn't have an appropriate photo for his blog post, he runs one of Natalie Wood. Tuesday Weld is my Natalie Wood.

The following week featured a quick, one-day trip to Phoenix, where I appeared on a panel at the Arizona Broadcasters Association convention. The topic of the panel? “Indecency and the Broadcast Media.”

The rest of the panel was comprised of broadcast attorney Howard Weiss of Fletcher, Heald & Hildreth....Robert Ratcliffe, Assistant Chief, Law, of the F.C.C.’s Mass Media Bureau...and a representative from a far right-wing group that believes the “left-wing liberal media” is out to corrupt America.

On that day, I had a terrible, relentless hacking cough. (I don’t smoke; it was the last stage of a bad cold.) Prior to the session, I was wracked with coughing.

In an effort to break the ice with the representative from the very conservative, fundamentalist group, I joked, “Gee, maybe God is trying to tell me something.” My intent was a little light humor, recognizing our differences in a friendly manner.

This gentleman responded in deadly seriousness, “Yes, maybe He is.”

That really ticked me off. “Oh, yeah?” I sputtered between hacks. “And what about when I’m not sick? Does that mean God changed His mind??”

The panel session itself, however, went pretty well; all sides were able to present their points of view, and there was no gunplay. (My cough? It retreated for the duration of the panel. Apparently adrenalin is an effective cough suppressant.)

THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE ANSWER SHE EXPECTED

Question From A Reader:

I have been in radio, mainly in the news department, production and board op, for ten years. I have been a morning radio co-host for 5 years. I am out in the community representing the station often (festivals, remotes, etc). I still fill in for the news department as needed. I also write, voice and produce copy daily. I write all this to ask: What can I do to increase my worth at our station during these tough economic times?

If you're asking in a career sense, then what you really need to do is increase the station's awareness of your worth. Make sure they know what you do. When someone — a listener, a sponsor, an organization — compliments you, ask them to put it in an email to your station manager.

Unfortunately, at most stations it simply isn't enough to be valuable. You've got to make sure they know you're valuable — and the most effective way to communicate that is via third parties praising you to your manager.

THE "GETTING PAST THE GATEKEEPER" TELESEMINAR: How Was It?

If you attended today's teleseminar:

How was it? What did you learn? New stuff, or just the same tired old "sales training 101" stuff you've heard for years?

You (or your employer) had to pay to attend. Do you expect to make a profit on that investment? Do you feel better equipped to take control of the your next conversation with a gatekeeper?

DUSTIN HOFFMAN DEMONSTRATES DAN O'DAY ADVERTISING PRINCIPLE

I've been looking for a copy of this for years. I remember the commercial from when it originally aired — which was before anyone ever heard of Dustin Hoffman. (Okay, anyone outside of the world of Off Broadway theatre, where he was considered a genius.)

In my Hypnotic Advertising seminar, I teach the value of what I call "Anticipatory Surprise": The first time you experience the commercial, it's a surprise. Afterward, each time you hear (or in this case, see) the spot you gleefully anticipate that surprising moment.

I also point out that the enjoyment is not of the surprise itself but rather of the moment immediately before the character reacts. I think you'll see what I mean the second time you watch this. (Sorry about the poor quality. But after all these years of searching, I'll settle for this until I find a better version.)

TELESEMINAR REGISTRATION CLOSES TONIGHT AT 9:00 (EDT)

NOTE: Today's REAL posting is immediately below this teleseminar update.

This is the last day to sign up for Tuesday's teleseminar, HOW TO GET PAST THE GATEKEEPER: Advanced Strategies for Sales Professionals. Registration closes at 9:00PM EDT today.

A quick look at the roster reveals the kinds of professionals who have registered include Radio Station Owners, Voiceover Artists, Sales Managers, Station Managers, "Vendors" (companies that sell services to media companies), and Account Executives.

I'm particularly pleased to see voiceover artists among the registrants, because you don't need to have "Sales" in your job title to profit from this course. It's for anyone who sometimes needs to reach someone on the phone — but can't get past that person's gatekeeper.

Check out the uncensored reviews (in their own voices) from previous attendees.

MONDAY COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Please Critique This Spot

I find this commercial too depressing to critique. Not because it's so bad (although it is) but because...Oh, something about what it says about our society.

So here's your chance to demonstrate your expertise. What's good about this spot (aside from the fact that eventually it ends)? What's not so good? How could it be improved upon?

Seriously. Me, I'm gonna go lie down.

TWO TELESEMINARS: Sales, Programming

NOTE: Today's REAL posting is immediately below this teleseminar update.

It's not too late to sign up for Tuesday's teleseminar, HOW TO GET PAST THE GATEKEEPER: Advanced Strategies for Sales Professionals. Check out the uncensored reviews (in their own voices) from previous attendees.

And the first Worldwide Survey of Radio Program Directors officially is underway: Ask Mike McVay About Radio Programming. If you're a PD who wants to tap directly into the brain of one of radio's most successful program consultants, here's your chance.

RADIO STATION ID's: From North Carolina to Florida

Phlash Phelps' 1987 - 1989 journey down the U.S. Eastern Seaboard continues (from last week), resuming in North Carolina and working its way to Florida.

MY BEST-RECEIVED SEMINAR EVER

NOTE: Today's REAL posting is immediately below this teleseminar update.

If you haven't yet registered for my HOW TO GET PAST THE GATEKEEPER teleseminar...Stop procrastinating, stop debating, stop wondering. If you've seen or heard me teach before on any topic and thought the content was strong — This might be the best-received seminar I've ever presented.

Really good stuff, radically different (and successful) strategies for blowing right past the gatekeeper and getting the decision-maker on the phone. Plus some eye-opening case studies (including a few famous and semi-famous people you'll recognize.)

The teleseminar is Tuesday; please reserve your space now.

O'DAY'S TRAVEL WOES #7: "You Went To School With Who...???"

Yeah, I know: It should be "whom."

October, 1993

Usually October is extremely busy for me. This time the pace was a bit more relaxed. My first trip was to Indianapolis, where I presented WHAT EVERY RADIO MANAGER SHOULD KNOW ABOUT PROGRAMMING and a 2-hour version of AIR PERSONALITY PLUS+ for Linda Compton and Gwen Piening of the Indiana Broadcasters Association’s Fall Convention.

The IBA was under “new” (at least, since my previous visit, in 1990) management, and the change was for the better. This convention was much better organized than the last I spoke at, and Gwen was exceptionally nice to work with.

I knew I was in Indiana by the fact that during the 30-minute taxi ride to the hotel, the cab driver talked non-stop about...basketball. He didn’t bother to ask if I follow or care about basketball; he assumed it was a very important topic for me. So I spent the first 15 minutes nodding my head.

Then he said, “So, where are you from?”

“Los Angeles.”

“Oh, yeah? I went to high school with a guy who moved to Los Angeles. You’ve probably heard of him.”

Now, I can’t explain how I knew, but I had a strong hunch regarding whom he was talking about. Just a hunch.

“Oh? Who is that?”

“Charles Manson.”

And he spent the second 15 minutes talking about his old school chum, Charlie.

I don’t know about you, but having my cab driver reminisce about the good old days with Charles Manson does not make me, as a passenger, especially comfortable. (To be fair, he didn’t say they had been friends. And he did say “Charlie” was considered very strange, even then. But, still....)

As soon as the second Indianapolis seminar was over, I had to rush to the airport to fly to Québec City. The IBA had a ride waiting for me at the hotel. Not just a ride, a limousine. A stretch limo.

I did my best to act as though this is my standard mode of ground transportation.

This, of course, is not quite the truth. At the time, my standard mode of ground transportation was a 1981 Toyota Tercel.

The limo driver, alas, did not volunteer any enchanting stories about his childhood with Charles Manson. Nor did I inquire.

In Québec City, I presented both THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MANAGEMENT and HOW TO CREATE MAXIMUM IMPACT RADIO ADVERTISING for Réncontré ’93. My seminars were accompanied by simultaneous translation...although, as it turned out, very few of the French-speaking Québec attendees seemed to need it. Or perhaps they just didn't want to hear what I had to say.

During my stay, I was asked to give an interview to the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC), on the topic of creating great radio commercials.(The CBC, of course, is non-commercial.), I said, “Sure!” The show’s host was Jacqueline Czernin.

She was good and the show was fun. Her introductory remarks, however, threw me a bit:

“Most radio commercials are terrible. They don’t sell, and no one listens to them. That’s what our guest, Dan O’Day, says....”

Now, that’s a true statement and Jacqueline was quoting me accurately. But she omitted the context in which I made those remarks (in a pre-show interview with her producer).

The above quote suggests that advertising on radio is a dumb idea. The whole point of my seminar, however, is that radio is a very powerful, effective advertising medium when used well. So my first task during the interview was to recover from my introduction.

I did quite enjoy the show, and I told Jacqueline I’d love to come be her guest host the next time she goes on vacation. I assume at this very moment the CBC is drawing up new rules to prohibit such an event.

During my visit to Québec, I made a rare sojourn away from the convention hotel. This was at the instigation of Neill Dixon and Nancy Mayer, who produce the annual Music Industry Conference as part of Canadian Music Week. They presented a one-day version of my annual PD Grad School in 1993 (as part of Canadian Music Week), and this gave us a good opportunity to discuss doing it again in ’94.

They selected a fancy French restaurant and explained that I had to order the “French Onion Soup,” inasmuch as it’s a Quebec creation. (I didn’t know that.) So, I ordered French Onion Soup, and it tasted....Well, it tasted pretty much like French Onion Soup.

The highlight of the dinner was when Nancy leaned over to Neill and — indicating a diner several tables away, against the wall — whispered, “Look at that guy! He’s dating twins!”

Nancy could not believe the audacity of that guy, taking two identical, beautiful blondes out to dinner.

Neill looked over, then turned back to Nancy and said, “Their table is next to a mirror. You’re seeing the woman’s reflection!”

Our realization of Nancy’s misperception served to ruin the rest of our evening vis-a-vis any intelligent business discussion. We were too busy laughing and making silly remarks centered on the “twins” situation.

(Please don’t tell Nancy I told anyone about this incident.)

The following week found me in Alexandria, Louisiana, where Lou Munson brought me in to conduct a full-day air talent seminar for the Louisiana Association of Broadcasters.

Next door was a full-day sales seminar, conducted by Irwin Pollack. His began 30 minutes before mine, so I snuck in and watched some of it. I’d never met Irwin before and quite enjoyed what I saw. His presentation is passionate, fast-paced, and quite in keeping with my own bias: Focus on the customer, not on the radio station.

Irwin and I got together for lunch sometime later in Los Angeles, and I was shocked to discover that not only is he a former disc jockey; he’s a former disc jockey who used to subscribe to my old comedy service, O’LINERS. (I published O’LINERS for 15 years and finally stopped when my seminar schedule became so hectic.)

This trip was less stressful than my previous visit to Alexandria (1989). That time I had changed planes in Dallas, and when I arrived at the airport in Alexandria I discovered my bags still were in Dallas. In fact, everyone’s bags were in Dallas.

It turns out that in warm weather, that American Eagle flight can’t handle both a full load of passengers and their baggage. So whenever there are lots of passengers, they just leave the bags behind. This is such a common occurrence that when I entered the hotel without any suitcases, the desk clerk said, “Your luggage will be coming in later, huh?”

Had I known this was likely to happen, either I would have carried my bags on board or I would have booked other transportation to Alexandria. Instead I found myself in 90° weather and 100% Louisiana humidity, with only the clothing I’d worn all day (including a long-sleeve shirt)...and an LAB barbecue to attend that evening.

American Airlines ended up paying for the shirt I bought that day, and my bags finally arrived...late that night.

A FEW QUICK ANSWERS TO YOUR TELESEMINAR QUESTIONS

Note: Today's REAL posting is below this one. Check out the video...

On Tuesday, October 14, I'm conducting a live, 90-minute teleseminar entitled HOW TO GET PAST THE GATEKEEPER. Here are my honest answers to a few of the most commonly asked questions I've received.

Q: What kind of equipment do I need to participate?

A: All you need is a telephone.

Q: Is this a "webinar"?

A: Nope. "Teleseminar" = "great big conference call where Dan does most of the talking." It's interactive, but it's all done over the telephone. Just this morning I "attended" a webinar, and sure enough: 3/4 of the time was spent by the presenters trying to figure out how to make the Internet stuff work. While I don't rule out ever doing a webinar, when I can deliver the information just as effectively using just a telephone, I'll use just the telephone.

Q: If I register, I'd want my enter sales staff to participate. Do you have a group rate?

A: The individual rate and the group rate are the same — as long as the group is all gathered 'round the same telephone. I want your entire sales staff to learn these techniques.

Q: What if something unexpected prevents me from attending?

A: Naturally, being there "live" is best. For one thing, you'll be able to participate in the extensive Q&A session. But everyone who registers also will receive the mp3 recording of the entire teleseminar plus the complete study guides. So you're well protected.

BEHIND THE SCENES AT AN ITALIAN RADIO STATION

During my recent trip to Italy, I visited the state-of-the-art studios of R101 — based in Milan but broadcasting to the entire country. Here's what was going on in the producer's studio that faced the on-air studio.

Note: This video displays real radio people. Viewer discretion is advised.

EMBARRASSING MOMENT #879: What Happens When You Get Locked Out Of Your Own Teleseminar?

Will people pay for a $10,000 sales-oriented seminar if they can get it at a 99% discount? Without having to leave their offices?

I'm happy to report the answer is...yes. Yesterday was the first day of registration for HOW TO GET PAST THE GATEKEEPER: Advanced Strategies for Sales Professionals, and we've had a bunch of registrations from across the U.S. and Canada.

(I certainly hope we'll have registrants from outside North America. Even with time differences, they'll still receive the complete recordings afterward.)

Prior to announcing this intensive (and, I must say, very cool) teleseminar I signed up with a different telephone bridge provider — a very expensive one.

Why?

1. Much better sound quality. You won't believe the difference.

2. More reliability. If you took part in my How To Double Your Sales teleseminar with Chet Holmes, here's some behind-the-scenes drama you didn't know about: In the middle of the call, my phone connection was dropped.

I was dropped from my own teleseminar.

Frantically I redialed — with the terrible fear that the system wouldn't allow me back in, thinking that the "moderator" (that's me) already was there.

Fortunately, I did get back onto the call — and Chet was still talking. Nobody missed me at all (which wasn't all that good for my ego).

I decided, "Never again." So if you join us next week, expect much better audio quality. And because I'll be teaching nonstop, if I get cut off again — Well, at least I hope someone notices.

PAT FRALEY DIRECTS VOICEOVER NEWBIE

At this year's International Radio Creative & Production Summit, Patrick Fraley conducted a workshop entitled GETTING FUNNY FAST: The Art of Voiceover Comedy. Pat doesn't just lecture; he teaches. He pulls people onstage to demonstrate how any voiceover artist can improve with just a little expert coaching.

When he "volunteered" this young man from among the attendees, however, Pat didn't realize that was the only non-pro in the audience. It was my nephew, a college student (philosophy major!) who was helping out behind the scenes.

He's never been behind a microphone before — which probably is why he was so easy to coach: He didn't first need to unlearn all the wrong, dumb things so many "professionals" cling to.

You'll note the less than perfect audio (and video) on this clip. When I saw Pat had pulled him onstage, I grabbed my little camera and started taping it so I could send it to my mom. But what the heck; Pat says it's okay to share with you here, so turn up your volume....

DAVE FOXX, MIKE McVAY TELESEMINARS

Ask Dave Foxx, The Sequel!

Tentatively set for Tuesday, November 11. Submit your questions about radio station imaging now!

Ask Mike McVay teleseminar has been set for Tuesday, October 28. I'll let you know when the website is ready to take your toughest questions on radio programming.

MONDAY COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Rosetta Stone Needs Polishing

The Story: This guy simply cannot believe that a business would offer a "demo CD" of its products for free.

Let's think about that a moment, shall we?

What part of "Give us your address and we'll send you a sales pitch for our products" seems improbable?

If you heard that "call us for a free demo CD offer," would you think, "Whoa! A free demo CD? What the...??"

This "story" makes for bad radio advertising in two important ways:

1. The guy's an idiot. Every listener instantly understands the concept of "free demo CD," but he's flummoxed by it.

Guess what? He is supposed to represent the targeted listener, who is supposed to identify with him.

But few listeners will think, "Yep, I'm just as dumb as he. I guess I'll call for a free demo CD, too."

2. The advertiser is asking us to believe that their offer of a free demo CD is an unprecedented, mind-boggling opportunity.

But it's not. Which means they're beginning their commercial with a lie. How believable can the rest of their message be?

Her Performance: In the opening line, she doesn't sound like a human being answering the phone. She sounds like a telephone voice recording. On her second line we realize she's supposed to be "live," and the momentary confusion distracts us.

For the rest of her dialogue, she's reading as a radio announcer would — not as someone who is participating in a conversation.

As usual, there's no way of knowing if the VO performer is the victim of bad (or no) direction.

A Thought Struck Me

I sent this spot to VO artist extraordinaire Ann DeWig, asking her to perform the woman's lines with three different attitudes.

DIRECTION #1: "Do it as someone who is genuinely enthusiastic about the product and just loves being able to help change people's lives with it."

Note how she delivers "Excuse me?" Like a real person responding to an odd question.

"Oh, no catch!" — She's surprised that anyone would be suspicious.

Ann did hit one word wrong, in my opinion: "fastest." On that one word, she sounds like an announcer . If she weren't doing this for me for free, on a Sunday morning, I'd ask for another take in which "fastest" matches the next word ("easiest") in tone and inflection.

"Just like you learned your first language" — Those words sound so spontaneous. She's just trying to explain to the guy, not pitching the product.

"There is one thing" — The up note on the last word that makes it sound like a question (and makes her sound like a real person)? Brilliant. Delicious.

"In less than 10 minutes" — She adds a gentle teasing quality that makes us love her.

DIRECTION #2: "Do it as someone who really wants THIS guy to learn a new language."

At the end of her very first line, notice that she has to catch her breath after such a wordy greeting. Instantly that tells us the call is being answered by a live human, not a recording.

"Excuse me?" — A different inflection. Hear that hesitation on the first word? She's slightly taken aback by the question.

"We'll give you a free demo CD" — Seductively. She wants this guy to hear the CD.

"Well, Rosetta stone is a completely natural way to learn a new language." — She's not reciting a pitch. She's responding to his doubts about being able to learn a new language. Notice her breathiness on "Rosetta." She's coaxing him, reassuring him.

"Oh, but there is one thing" — Compare her deliver of "Oh" to her first version. Both are good. This one is more specific — certainly more specific (and therefore more "real") than the original. THIS real person has a real personality.

"In less than 10 minutes" — Hear the smile? She's happy at the idea of the caller learning a new language so quickly.

DIRECTION #3: "Do it as someone who's really proud of the product and courteously taken aback that this guy would doubt their motives."

This person isn't so concerned with the caller. She's just doggone proud of how her employer's product helps people.

"Excuse me?" — She hesitates on "excuse"; she's surprised that the caller is suspicious. Why should he be? The Rosetta Stone is so wonderful.

"Oh, no catch!" — Again, she's taken aback by his doubting.

"Just like you learned your first language" — She's slightly on the defensive, but only because for some bizarre reason someone has doubts about this product. So she tries to explain it to him, to convince him.

"You could start speaking a new language in less than 10 minutes." — Not playful, as the others were. Rather, she's offering more proof that the Rosetta Stone really works. She's boasting about the product's effectiveness but without turning the commercial into a bragging spot.

And did you hear her add a word to the script, over the caller's voice? "Yeah." Look how far we've come, from a patently false radio commercial to a believable human conversation.

So, which do you prefer? The original version? Or Ann's first, second or third approach?