RADIO ADVERTISING REQUIRES MORE THAN JUST A SLOGAN

A Reader Asks:

It's a constant challenge for us to write copy for car dealers and come up with something new and different. The usual approach these days is for a screaming guy to tell you all the reasons why people with bad credit should shop at a particular place. They all sound the same... and are obnoxious.

We have a client called "Courtesy Ford" that wants a new approach. The ideas that immediately came to mind were playing off the word "Courtesy." We thought about using the "Politeness Police" going around to other fictitious car dealers and busting them for being rude, and then coming back to Courtesy and saying we couldn't find any infractions there.

We also got out the thesaurus and came up with a bunch of phrases like agreeable, thoughtful, respectful... maybe offering a "politeness guarantee." But we're stuck as to how to proceed.

They'd like an ad with a :15 second donut to talk about specific deals. Any ideas you could throw my way would be much appreciated.

My Reply:

Although I'm sure you could come up with a series of cute commercials centered on "Courtesy," you wouldn't be doing the dealership a favor by airing them unless they truly are more courteous than the competition...which I doubt.

In reality, they're probably no more courteous than other car dealers. So every time a potential customer experiences a less than courteous encounter with this dealer, they will remember this ad campaign and think, "Yeah, right."

And even if they are more courteous than the competition, I have never heard of a customer who chose one car dealership over another because of the politeness factor. Customers choose car dealerships on the basis of price and trust.

Rather than base an entire campaign around a word in the client's name, I would go back to the client and ask a series of questions designed to uncover a demonstrable advantage of buying a car from Courtesy Ford... their Unique Selling Proposition.

"THE MOST REMARKABLE COMMENT EVER MADE BY A RADIO PROGRAMMING EXEC"

I'm going to give you a link to a page that contains 5 brief videos of 5 different guest speakers at this year's PD Grad School.

Click on the link below, indicate the part of the world you're from (you'll see what I mean), and you'll be taken directly to the Web page. Once you're there, be sure to scroll down to the first video.

1. You'll see a prominent radio researcher describing the most remarkable comment he's heard from a radio programmer in his entire career. He's being charitable; in my opinion, it's an incredibly foolish comment.

2. The page itself describes PD Grad School 2009: The Complete Audio Record. In other words, it's a page from which people can order the 10-CD package. I'm telling you this now, so you won't feel that I "tricked" you.

3. Among the descriptions of the various sessions, there are five different video clips. Feel free to watch the videos without buying the CDs. (But in my completely unbiased opinion, if you're a radio programmer than you definitely should buy the CDs.)

Oh, yeah, the link: Check out the videos here.

MEMO TO THE RADIO STATION PROMOTIONS DIRECTOR

The promotion director of a certain large market radio station sent a memo to the station's morning host, asking:

"Do you want me to type up a winner sheet for every contest you guys do in the morning, or can we do a generic one? Let me know your thoughts..."

The morning host — a very well-known, very successful, very professional veteran personality — replied as follows:

I need a winner sheet for each separate contest for several reasons.

1) Because of the immediacy of radio, things change quickly and at the last minute. Often sales-oriented contests have last-minute changes. This means that I need an updated form with specifics of each contest the day we start it. NOT TWO WEEKS AHEAD of time.

Since I do not attend the promotion meetings (because the morning host is not invited), I am not privy to the intricacies of each contest. That's why I would appreciate:

A) An e-mail detailing the contest the day before it starts.

B) A contest sheet as a backup in the Prize Book as we previously discussed (on more than one occasion).

2) I need to know the contest has been approved, signed off on, and otherwise tweaked by you and the program director. Just because I talk to a salesperson does not, repeat, NOT mean that we are doing a contest.

Often I chat with salespeople to give them ideas on what we feasibly could do to help a client, but it is always subject to approval from the Promotions and Program Directors. That's why I need a separate winner sheet for each contest.

3) Although we have listeners who win more than one contest, most of our winners are not aware of when a CD, movie ticket, concert ticket, etc., will be available — and if it isn't, when they can pick it up. We have many prizes, and each contest is different.

Also, as far as concert tickets are concerned, we have had a problem in the past with overzealous DJs giving out more tickets than we have or listeners claiming that we have awarded them a prize when, in fact, we haven't. Therefore, numbered sheets with jocks' names on them in the case of hard-to-get tickets would be optimal. This is known in most businesses as Inventory Control.

On the other hand, if we have a movie house full of tickets, then I believe you could supply one sheet for the movie and we can make copies to give to the front desk.

4) The necessary items on each winner's sheet should include (but not be limited to):

- Winner's information

- A description of the prize

- How many of the prizes we have to give away (assuming it's a purely morning show prize)

- Whether we need to get an aircheck for the client and/or sales department

- Whether a specific tag is needed for the client

- In the case of tickets, the date of the event

- Any other specifics of the event; e.g., other groups on the concert bill, or for a sporting event, the opposing team

- Whether the tickets/passes include any special type of entertainment: backstage, food, drink, etc.

- Whether you must be a certain age to get into the event (e.g., if liquor is served, you must be of age)

- If transportation is included, and if so, what it will be (limo, train tickets, etc). Also, whether we need to mention the transportation provider.

Now, that said, it shouldn't be too much for the air personality to ask that the above items be specified in one or two easy-to-read paragraphs so that we can:

(1) Do a solicit with the first one over the beginning of a record

(2) Do the second one in a backsell briefly with the winner

You will need to somehow highlight the information that should be given to the winner but that does not need to be given over the air.

If this reply is too specific, it's probably because I don't feel I should be wasting my time with something like winner's sheets and contest specifics that should be common sense to a promotion director in a market of this size.

Let's move ahead because we have at least one major promotion a month with the morning show alone that we have to get on track, as well as the various weekend contests and standard giveaways that stations like ours do as a matter of course.

Cordially,

(NAME WITHHELD)

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Citibank - No More Customers, Please

Apparently Citibank has weathered the financial crisis so well that it wants to avoid attracting any new customers. So they've created a radio commercial designed to do just that.

They open with a lethal one-two non-punch, with the first words of the spot being "At Citibank we're offering" and delivered in the least appealing monotone the voice actor could muster.

Obviously, the professionals who created this know that no one in the radio audience cares what Citibank is offering. So they deliberately begin the spot with words guaranteed to prevent people from listening.

Then they rush into some numbers before anyone can possibly know what they're talking about. Oh, and that "top of class annual percentage rate"? Priceless! As satirists, these guys are good.

And, in the tradition of all good satirists, they're merciless. They give two Calls To Action instead of just one, with no good reason to act on either of them.

Then, the perfect finish: Six seconds of disclaimer gibberish — tacked onto a message that no one will ever hear.

Using Spec Spots To Cold Call

This posting is for readers of my latest Radio Advertising Letter to share their thoughts about the use of spec spots to land new clients — without first having learned about the client's needs.

BOBBY OCEAN'S SUNDAY RADIO CARTOON: Stick To The Playlist Or Else...

Illustration © 2009 by Bobby Ocean

DAN O'DAY THRILLS AUDIENCE WITH HIS STORYTELLING SKILLS

I don't want to brag, but I've developed quite a reputation as a storyteller.

To celebrate the impending released of PD Grad School 2009: The Complete Audio Record, I've decided to share this video with you...from PD Grad School 2009.

After concluding one of my patently hilarious-yet-meaningful anecdotes, I thoughfully told the attendees, "I know my session is supposed to be over now, but I think I'll share with you one last story."

As you can see, they responded with unrestrained delight.

O'DAY'S TRAVEL WOES #30: Dan Visits The Red Light District

November, 1994: The last two months of the year usually are relatively quiet for me. This time November & December had me criss-crossing the globe. My first trip of the month was to Dubois, Pennsylvania, to conduct my Air Personality Plus+ seminar for the Pennsylvania Association of Broadcasters.

(If you ever visit that part of the state, make sure you don’t pronounce it “Doo-Bwah;” the locals pronounce it “Doo-Boys.”)

The PAB’s Rich Wyckoff had me do the same seminar in another part of the state the previous month, so he had everything running like clockwork in Dubois. Between the two seminars, 300 PAB members attended.

Several days later I journeyed to The Netherlands, where the NAB presented a two-day European radio conference in Amsterdam. Changing planes in Washington, D.C., I found myself flying across the ocean with The Benchmark Company’s Rob Balon, who would speak about research at the same event. (I was there to talk about developing air talent.)

The Krasnapolsky Grand Hotel, where we stayed, has an interesting location. Directly in front of it is the Royal Palace; directly behind it is Amsterdam’s infamous Red Light District.

My hotel room came equipped with something I’d never had in a hotel: a doorbell. Kind of a nice touch. I've seen it a few times since, but this was the first.

The plane arrived at Schipol Airport at 6:00AM...a very awkward time. I went to the hotel, unpacked, and took a nap. In the afternoon, Doris and Mike McVay took me on an informal walking tour of the area; they had arrived a couple of days earlier. (Mike was speaking at the conference, too.) It was a nice opportunity to get some fresh air, share industry gossip...and to get some ice cream. (Mike & Doris even paid for the ice cream!)

On my first evening there, I wandered into the Red Light District in search of... something to eat. I ended up with the worst Chinese food I’ve ever had. Not that it tasted bad; it simply had no flavor at all.

On my second night, some friends took me to a little Dutch restaurant I never would have found on my own, and the food was excellent.

But, wait! What about the Red Light District? Surely I have more to report on than bad Chinese food!

Okay. First I’ll describe the district a little, then I’ll relate my wild adventures there.

Prostitution is legal in The Netherlands. In the Red Light District, scantily clad women display themselves in windows that face the sidewalks. When a customer sees a woman he fancies, he goes inside and engages her services.

I don’t know if they negotiate fees or if there are standard prices among the practitioners. (I don’t believe I actually saw anyone enter one of those buildings.)

Is walking up and down those streets, along the canal, an erotic experience? No.

It all seemed very sad, even depressing. I can’t imagine anyone waking up in the morning and thinking, “Gosh, I can’t wait to go to work, where I’ll put my body on display like a hunk of meat.”

Are the women attractive? Not especially.

On the afternoon of the day I arrived, George Hyde of the RAB and I walked around the district. We speculated on the gap between the innocence of our stroll and the lascivious speculations of our friends back home regarding our activities.

The closest thing to an interesting encounter came when someone — I think — might have offered to sell me cocaine. Some guy muttered something to me as I passed. Probably if you’re there looking to buy drugs, you would be alert for such a sales pitch. And I probably look like the kind of person who would be a customer: a bearded American, casually dressed.

The other thing the Red Light District is known for is its Marijuana Bars, where drug use is legal. I didn’t enter any of those, but I did hear some great old Everly Brothers tunes coming out of one.

On my final night, Rob Balon and I ventured back into the District, looking for food. (Remember, that’s the neighborhood of the hotel; I don’t think the Palace had anything waiting for us in the royal refrigerator.) We settled on a tiny (4 tables) Indian restaurant and had an excellent meal.

Afterward, I returned to the hotel, packed, and went to bed. Rob and I had arranged to meet the next morning to share a ride to the airport...after he went shopping for — what else? — wooden shoes to bring home.

It turns out that after I retired that evening, Rob went out again and tried his luck at a local casino. He put a few guilders into a video poker machine...and immediately drew a royal flush, winning $3,000.

Final Amsterdam memory: I learned that one of Holland’s most popular radio personalities at the time was named Fritz Spitz.

Next Week: An exciting journey back across the Atlantic...with my Macintosh Powerbook.

WHY DOESN'T YOUR "404 MESSAGE" MAKE MORE FRIENDS FOR YOUR RADIO STATION OR BUSINESS?

Ever since the first time I presented an Internet strategies seminar for radio stations, back in 2000, I've marveled at how few companies seize the opportunity to convert a potentially annoying Web visitor experience into a positive one. An enjoyable one, even.

What happens if someone mistypes what they think is a link to your website? Or, worse, when they click on a link on your site, and the link is broken? (That means, by the way, that it's the fault of your website, not of your Web visitor.)

The odds are overwhelming that they receive a typical, soulless, "why should we care?" 404 Error Message.

I picked a radio station website at random and deliberately searched for a non-existent page. (I added "/uj" to the home page URL.) Sure enough, here's where that led me:

I suspect most people think that error message is just somehow "part of the Internet." In reality, it's an element of that station's website. When someone navigates toward a non-existent link on your site, you can present them with any message.

Why Did I Suddenly Think Of This Again?

Last week I was in Germany, and I tried to access my Gmail account. Oops! No Gmail in Germany. But look at Goggle's error message:

We can't provide service under the Gmail name in Germany; we're called Google Mail here instead.

If you're traveling in Germany, you can access your mail at http://mail.google.com.

Oh, and we'd like to link the URL above, but we're not allowed to do that either. Bummer.

For general information about Google, please visit www.google.com or www.google.de

How cool is that?

They explain the problem.

They give you the solution.

They apologize for not being able to offer you a direct link.

And huge, monolothic, all-powerful Google adds, "Bummer."

Meanwhile, what does your 404 error message say?

For the record, if you click on this non-existent link, you'll see the error message people receive on my website.]

WORLD'S #1 TWITTER EXPERT ADMITS: "DAN O'DAY KNOWS MORE ABOUT THIS STUFF THAN I DO!"

Okay, I'm paraphrasing. I'll let him speak for himself in this exclusive video.

A GUIDE TO FACEBOOK ETIQUETTE

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: We Won't Tell You What We're Selling, But Some Restrictions Apply

First, the commercial:

What a mess.

They spend the first 15 seconds saying...nothing. Unless, that is, you haven't noticed that over the years lots of things have become more expensive.

Maybe they assume we haven't noticed that, because they treat us though we are very stupid. How could we possibly understand what she means by "a nice cup of coffee" if those words hadn't been followed by the sound of liquid being poured?

And buying a few gallons of gas? What does she — oh, I recognize that sound! It's a gas pump. So when she says "guying a few gallons of gas," she means gas for a car, at a gas station.

"At Public Storage, a dollar still goes a long way."

No, it doesn't. It gets you one free promotional month if you sign a long-term contract, with so many restrictions they can't fit them into this commercial.

And Now It Gets Even Dumber.

"Just one dollar pays for your first month's rent. So pick up the phone and call..."

Uh, guys? My first month's rent of...What? A locker? A shed? A container? Before you try to get people to buy something, it's almost always a good idea to make sure they know what you're selling.

"At Public Storage, we have a variety of storage spaces and locations to choose from."

Okay, this whole thing is a practical joke, right? One of my loyal readers actually bought an advertising campaign so patently bad, just to see if I'd realize it's a gag. The only thing they omitted was the "friendly, knowledgeable staff."

Here Comes The Clue Train.

The story here isn't about what a dollar can buy. It's about all that stuff that's cluttering up your garage — and how Public Storage can help.

At least, that's what the story should be about.

BOBBY OCEAN'S SUNDAY RADIO CARTOON: The Request Line

Illustration © 2009 by Bobby Ocean

HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF EVEN MORE UNPOPULAR WITH RADIO EXECUTIVES

At RAB 2009, Broadcast-Future!'s Peter Fuermetz pointed a video camera at me and asked for my honest evaluation of where radio is and where it's headed.

I'm not sure my response will make me popular. But I'm kind of accustomed to that.

Note: For this clip, Peter faded out the 10-minute interview after just a few minutes. Please do not adjust your set.

O'DAY'S TRAVEL WOES #29: I Could've Saved Them $100,000

October 1994 (continued): Ten days later I had several of my busiest days of the year...here in Los Angeles, where the NAB Radio Show was held. On the day before the convention began, Anne Chaabane arranged for me speak to a group of mostly Swedish broadcasters about promotions and production.

We met at the Westin Bonaventure Hotel, which was the main convention hotel. As you might know, Customer Service is a passion of mine; I conduct seminars on that topic for broadcasters and for retailers.

The Bonaventure that week was a textbook case of how not to handle a Customer Service crisis. In fact, if the hotel had been wise enough to seek out my counsel, I could have saved them more than $100,000 and minimized the devastating amount of damage the hotel’s reputation suffered.

The problem? The hotel’s computer system crashed...and stayed crashed for a couple of days. This meant the 1,100 arriving guests were not able to go to their rooms upon check-in. In fact, they couldn’t even check in at all; after standing in line for hours, they were told to try again later.

How did the hotel deal with this? They sent an employee up and down the line of angry customers, offering cups of fruit punch!

After several days of negotiating with the NAB, the hotel deducted one night’s room charge from each guest’s bill. By then, however, everyone had spent the week bitterly complaining about the Westin.

What should they have done?

Easy. While the guests were waiting in line, employees should have approached each guest, explained the situation, and said:

“On behalf of the Westin Bonaventure, I apologize. This is a terrible thing to happen to you, and we feel awful about it. I realize this can’t even begin to make it up to you, but after traveling here and standing in line all this time, you’re probably tired and hungry. May I buy you lunch in our coffee shop?”

What would this have cost – $10 per person? A total of $11,000. And instead of condemning the hotel, its customers would have said, “Yeah, it sure was a pain. But at least they bought me lunch.”

Instead, the Westin Bonaventure hemmed and hawed for days, lost ten times as much money, and still had every guest leave angry.

WE HAVE A WINNER! (THE SIX-WORD COMMERCIAL CONTEST)

On April 9 I announced a contest.

The challenge: Write a six-word commercial for Harlan Hogan's upcoming teleseminar class, STARTING YOUR VOICEOVER BUSINESS: Everything You Need To Know To Turn Your Dream Or Your Sideline Into A Business.

Honorable Mention — John Watts

"Don't hope...Plan! Voice your dreams!"

A good distillation of the full sales letter. But not really a commercial.

Honorable Mention — Cory

"Your voice? A Career? Here's how..."

Compact, economical language. But a bit too passive.

Honorable Mention — RJ Khurafati Amit

"Defy recession get paid for voiceover!"

Very strong. Weakness: Primary motivation for pursuing a voiceover career isn't the recession; it's the desire to have a voiceover career.

Honorable Mention — Nancy Tyler

"Learn to live your voiceover dreams."

Nice, but mostly restates the title. Also — this will sound like a small point, but it's important — the goal of someone who takes the class isn't to "learn"; it's to have a voiceover business. ("Learning" is a means to that end.)

Honorable Mention — Don May

"Voiceover: Your dream as your business"

Very good, except that it simply restates the title of the class. Otherwise, this might have been the winner.

Honorable Mention — Gary Burgess

"Your voice. His experience. Your future."

Economical use of language. But it recaps the sales page rather than serving as a standalone commercial.

Honorable Mention — Derek Knight

"Channel Harlan's anger; find your voice."

Funny. Obviously Derek read the background. But although Harlan's anger is part of his motivation for teaching the class, it doesn't motivate a prospective student to take the class.

Honorable Mention — Synthman

"What's Harlan Hogan's darkest VO secret?"

Good way to get people to read the ad. But not a commercial itself.

And The Winner Is...

Terry (Stevens) Spialek:

"You CAN get paid to talk!"

Succinct, positive, encouraging, confident.

Thanks to everyone who entered. And congrats, Terry. The two prizes you selected — The Ultimate Non-Lawyer's Guide to Copyright Infringement in Radio Commercials...and How to Avoid It

and

Dan O'Day's Guaranteed 5-Step System for Creating 30 Second Radio Commercials That Get Results

— are winging their ways to you now.

RADIO CREATIVE/PRODUCTION SUMMIT 2009: First Info

It looks very much like the International Radio Creative & Production Summit for 2009 will be held August 7 - 8.

In Los Angeles, as always.

Still finalizing the lineup of guest speakers and topics, but here's what we have so far:

COPYWRITING

I probably will do two major presentations — world premieres. I'm pretty sure our Summit "Repeat Offenders" will love them.

One is a complete Case Study of a very successful campaign — from beginning to end. Including the research, client discussions, strategy, execution, and results. I also will show you draft after draft, demonstrating my editing process. ("But how am I supposed to communicate all this in just 30 seconds???")

In the second, I will share with you a revolutionary method of beginning the copywriting process itself. This chance discovery has forever changed the way I approach any new project.

I'm also trying to squeeze in a good friend who's a very famous direct response/ Internet marketing copywriter to talk about....Well, let's see if we can make our schedules work, first.

VOICEOVER

Patrick Fraley will teach something everyone who ever voices copy needs to learn:

"Text Analysis"

Nancy Wolfson returns with another major voiceover directing workshop:

"Acting For Advertising"

Yes, that's a giant ear Nancy is holding. No, she will not force you to talk to it.

PRODUCTION/IMAGING

Still working on that.

PRODUCTION/COPYWRITING

Hoping to have room for our traditional Critique-A-Spot-A-Thon.

FORMAL NETWORKING SESSION

Although the Summit always has presented tremendous networking opportunities, this year I hope to include a scheduled, structured method of ensuring that you meet and talk to as many potential future partners as possible.

If you're interested and want to be notified when all the details are available, please put yourself on the notification list.

IT'S THE CONTENT, STUPID

According to an article on AppleInsider.com, Needham & Co.'s Charlie Wolf recently wrote that in its attempts to compete with the smashing success of the iPhone, "The smartphone industry is betting that it can meet this challenge and continue to lure feature phone users through more powerful hardware."

"More specifically," says AppleInsider.com, "Wolf believes the 'misguided' obsession with differentiation through hardware features will leave many smartphone makers treading water because 'hardware is essentially a commodity.'

"That is, no manufacturer can achieve a sustainable advantage through hardware because the components in most smartphones are simultaneously available to all competitors."

And Then There's Radio.

"HD radio, that will save us."

"Passing a law requiring all new automobiles to be equipped with HD Radio, that will save us."

Radio is losing ground not because of inferior hardware. Radio is suffering because for decades it had a virtual monopoly on its core content (primarily music, followed by local voices).

Then came Consolidation, complete with "Economies of Scale" — which, unfortunately, the Corporate Geniuses That Be applied not just to the delivery of the product but to the product itself. They reduced Content to a commodity.

Almost immediately afterward, along came the Internet.

Having chosen to peddle an increasingly available product (homogenous music presented without a meaningful context) and having abandoned the last vestiges of "community service" and "civic responsibility," American radio was shocked at how disloyal its previously captive audience turned out to be.

"But HD Radio Means Multiple Channels, Which Means More Choice!"

Uh-huh. Just as Consolidation meant more choice for listeners. (Hey, some of the richest, least competent radio CEO's still publicly proclaim that without the slightest hint of irony.)

Multiple channels consisting of slivers of pre-packaged formats will not lure back the listeners Radio held in such low regard for so long.

Yes, I know glassy eyed HD proponents also promise more programming "diversity." Just as Consolidation presented listeners with "greater choice."

A SHOO-IN FOR THE BAD RADIO COMMERCIAL HALL OF FAME

Let’s see if you can force your mind not to wander during the following 30 seconds:

“May I have another, sir?”

“Why, certainly. Enjoy.”

You see, most people don’t know what HD radio is, so they tie it into something everyone is familiar with: the salp. The salp??

Here’s what a salp looks like. Now do you want to rush out and get an HD radio?

BOBBY OCEAN'S SUNDAY RADIO CARTOON: Lonely At The Top

THE VIDEO I HAD TO SMUGGLE OUT OF JAPAN

For obvious reasons, I can't go into much detail here. But it was a risk I had to take, to honor these brave young men and women.

O'DAY'S TRAVEL WOES #28: Geese, Pillow Fights and French Fries

October, 1994 (continued): A few days after my nasty brush with Kenny Loggins, I landed in Topeka, Kansas, where I conducted THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MANAGEMENT and AIR PERSONALITY PLUS+ for Harriet Lange and the Kansas Association of Broadcasters.

Harriet and I had a fascinating encounter with the audio-visual company that was supposed to provide the equipment. But it would take too much explaining to tell the story here. (Ask Harriet about it.)

The Kansas seminars were on a Wednesday and Thursday, and on Saturday I would speak in Chicago. Ordinarily, on Friday I would have flown from Topeka to Chicago. This time, however, I flew back home Thursday night and left for Chicago on Friday morning... accompanied by my five-year old son, Matthew. I had promised him I’d try to find a trip to take him on, and this one worked out perfectly.

Wally Gair had engaged me to conduct THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MANAGEMENT for the Illinois Broadcasters Association Convention on Saturday. I’d be speaking for three hours, in the afternoon. My oldest friend, Evan (whom I’ve known since the age of 12) lives in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Evan and his 14 year-old son, Tyler (whom I still remembered primarily as an 11-month old), drove the three hours to Chicago and took care of Matthew during the seminar. They went to the zoo while I conducted the seminar, and by all accounts none of them missed me.

The convention was held at a fancy golf resort, and the restaurant had a child’s menu...which meant that with every meal, Matthew had french fries. Which meant he was in heaven.

We chased the geese that inhabit the club’s grounds, Matthew hit a golf ball, Matthew played board games with Evan and Tyler (Evan’s family loves board games), we played pinball machines, Matthew and I had a couple of great pillow fights. It was a great weekend.

Thinking that everyone in Chicago spends their time chasing geese, playing golf & pinball, eating french fries and having pillow fights, Matthew summed up the trip by saying, “I LOVE Chicago!”

Next Week: The Westin Bonaventure Hotel in Los Angeles learns an expensive lesson in Customer Service.

PROVE YOU'RE A GREAT WRITER...WITH EXACTLY SIX WORDS.

Some say it was to win a bet; others say it was to prove a point. Whatever the impetus, Ernest Hemingway once wrote a 6-word short story:

“For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”

Pretty powerful, that.

And a handy excuse for another, impromptu contest.

The Challenge: Write a six-word commercial for Harlan Hogan's upcoming teleseminar class, STARTING YOUR VOICEOVER BUSINESS: Everything You Need To Know To Turn Your Dream Or Your Sideline Into A Business.

Where To Find Class Info, Hints For Possible Approaches, etc.: http://TheVoiceoverClass.com.

The Rules: Exactly six words. In English. Only one entry per person.

The Winning Entry will be the one that is the most persuasive. If two are equally persuasive, the most creatively persuasive one wins. Remember, although it might be wildly offbeat, it does have to "sell" the teleseminar class.

Also Influencing The Judging will be the quality and quantity of comments other people make regarding specific entries. (Those comments will go in the "comments" field beneath this posting.)

Submit Your Entry by posting it as a "comment" on this posting.

The Prize: The winner chooses any two of my mp3 seminars and/or my e-books.

Fine Print: If fewer than 20 people enter, the Judges Committee (me) reserves the right not to award a prize. So if you enter and you want to win, you'll probably want to nag a bunch of other (less talented) people to enter, too.

The Winner Will Be Announced On This Blog, One Week From Today.

ANOTHER UNIQUE LISTENING PROPOSITION FROM SAFRA RADIO

When a radio group brings me in to work with its entire air staff, often I'll teach them my method for defining their Unique Listening Proposition.

The goal isn't necessarily to come up with blockbuster ideas. Rather, the air talents, producers and programmers identify "mundane" things that occur regularly on their program or station and generate original ideas — alternative methods of delivering that each particular element in a way that makes more of an impact on the listener.

A visit to Singapore's SAFRA Radio resulted in dozens of original ideas, including the Traffic Excuse:

Each day, the traffic reporter offers a new, original new excuse for the day's big traffic jam:

"Traffic isn't moving at all on Highway 27 south of the Pass. A flock of homing polar bears has built a huge nest on the exit ramp...."

Okay, readers: Got some good excuses for today's (or tomorrow's) traffic tie-up?

ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR OWN VOICEOVER *BUSINESS*?

Click here for complete information.

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: BMW Continues To Lead In The "Bad Radio Advertising By Luxury Automobiles" Segment

This commercial involves the story of half a million people. We know that because the opening line is:

"Who are we to argue with half a million people?"

Except...That's not what the story is about. The story is about...uh, pre-owned BMWs. Not an interesting story. Not a good story. But despite the expectations raised by the opening line, that's what this spot is about: pre-owned BMWs.

The second line indicates what the commercial really is about — and, I suspect, inadvertently offers a statement that could get BMW in trouble with the Federal Trade Commission:

"That's half a million satisfied customers who have made BMW the leader in the luxury segment."

This is just a hunch, but I suspect "half a million" is the number of people who have purchased pre-owned BMWs. That doesn't necessarily equate to half a million satisfied customers.

Why do I get the feeling BMW made an unsupportable leap from "customers" to "satisfied customers"? Because in this spot they make the claim without supporting it. If 500,000 people who purchased pre-owned BMWs reported they were delighted with their vehicles and would recommend pre-owned BMWs to their friends, it would be been smart to say so in this spot.

Just a hunch, based on experience. Perhaps they were referring to such a statistic but don't understand why they should cite it (i.e., to establish credibility).

But it doesn't matter, because that's not the horrific part of this commercial. The really awful part is...

...Actually, there is no really awful part. It's all so extraordinarily innocuous that it has no impact at all — not even a negative one.

"...the leader in the luxury segment."

Okay, that's a joke, right? They don't really believe there's even one consumer who ever has uttered (or even thought) the words, "the luxury segment," do they?

MRS. STUPID: Gee, Honey, what kind of car should we buy?

MR. STUPID: Doesn't matter to me, Sweet Pea, as long as it's one of the models in the luxury segment.

What is this commercial's Core Message — the one thing they want the targeted audience to hear, to understand and to remember? Is it:

* Largest selection to choose from online? (Bonus points for the passive language, guys.)

* Comprehensive protection plan?

* All vehicles meticulously serviced by BMW technicians? (Does BMW have a less expensive program offering vehicles that have been serviced by BMW technicians but not meticulously? "All vehicles haphazardly serviced," perhaps?)

* The vehicles go through — this is breathtaking — an inspection process? A rigorous (vs. a lax) inspection process?

Just when you think, "Well, at least they've run out of dumb things to say," BMW surpasses expectations:

"Not to mention it offers something no other manufacturer can..."

This is Copywriting 101, folks. Saying "not to mention" before mentioning something is stupid. Not to mention it's bad advertising.

The Call To Action? Visit a laughably clumsy URL.

The reason to heed that Call To Action?

"For details."

Talk about your irresistible offers.

Here's the entire message this commercial contains: "BMW sells used cars. Please buy one."

Contained but barely communicated.

BOBBY OCEAN'S SUNDAY RADIO CARTOON: Experience Valued Here

RADIO PROFESSIONALS DISAPPOINTED AS DAN O'DAY LECTURE CUT SHORT

Exclusive footage from RAB 2009!

Due to a scheduling snafu, a Radio Advertising Bureau official has just informed attendees that my 90-minute presentation will be cut back to only 45 minutes.

This scheduling problem was something over which I had no control, and I apologize to everyone who was disappointed by the abbreviated presentation.

This exclusive video footage begins just after the announcement has been made.

O'DAY'S TRAVEL WOES #27: Dan O'Day vs. Kenny Loggins

October 1994 (continued):

Upon arriving at the hotel in Seattle, I pulled my luggage cart onto the escalator to take me from the street level up to the lobby area. Just I reached the top, the straps to the cart somehow became undone, and my suitcase, tote bag and computer tumbled all the way down the escalator. (No one was hurt, and my belongings did not seem to be damaged.)

As soon as I got to my room, I went to sleep. The next day began early: At 6:30AM, Eric Kirchner picked me up and drove me to KCMS, where at 7:00 I began an air talent seminar for the staff there.

We ended at 2:00. Eric drove me back to the hotel, where at 3:00 I conducted THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MANAGEMENT for the Public Radio Program Directors’ Conference.

As I began the 2-hour session, we heard loud noises coming from the other end of the ballroom, which had been partitioned off into two sections.

It turns out Kenny Loggins was going to perform there, that night...for some other convention. This was his crew, conducting a sound check.

The hotel was completely unsuccessful in getting them to stop the noise, which made it very difficult for both me and the audience to concentrate.

This situation did, however, lead to my best remark of the trip. At one point, the sound check guy kept repeating into the microphone, “Duh...Duh...Duh...Duh...”

To which I responded, “Oh, isn’t that cute. Kenny Loggins is practicing his ad-libs.”

(I like Kenny Loggins, but his crew had not been given permission to use the room then, and everyone thought they were quite inconsiderate.)

After my session, I grabbed my bags, gobbled down some happy hour food, and returned to the Seattle airport. I flew to San Francisco, changed planes, and caught the red-eye to Washington D.C. The flight was sold out, so I spent the five hours trying (without much success) to sleep in a tiny seat between two big snoring guys.

Upon reaching Washington, a limo was waiting to drive me the hour or so to Gaithersburg, Maryland, where Ozzie Sattler had arranged for me to conduct a seminar for managers of the Group W radio stations. To my delight, when I entered the hotel lobby I encountered Paulette Carpenter, who handed me my room key. (Checking in can be almost as exhausting as getting there.)

I slept for two hours, ate breakfast, and went downstairs to conduct the seminar.

As soon as I was finished, the same limo drove me back to the D.C. airport, where I caught a plane to Hershey, Pennsylvania.

On the following day (Sunday; my trip had begun Thursday evening) I conducted a full-day version of my AIR PERSONALITY PLUS+ seminar for Rich Wyckoff and the Pennsylvania Association of Broadcasters. Nearly 200 people attended. The big turn-out added to the energy of the seminar.

As soon as it was over, a couple of the attendees drove me right back to the airport, where I caught a flight to Chicago and then another one back home to Los Angeles. The box score: Four different seminars in three states in two days.

VOICEOVER PUPPY MILLS

Harlan Hogan has decided to teach a month-long series of teleseminars devoted to just one topic: Starting Your Own Voiceover Business: Everything You Need To Know To Turn Your
Dream Or Your Sideline Into A Business.

Why?

If you think he needs the money, you're mistaken. He's been pulling down a steady six figures each year for 32 years — as he says, as a talker, not as a teacher.

He's doing it for two reasons:

1. He's seen too many promising careers flame briefly and then disappear because the voice actors concentrated on voiceover jobs or even voiceover careers...but not on building voiceover businesses. If you spend all your time trying to land an audition or win a gig, you're missing the big picture. Harlan is a Big Picture kind of guy.

2. Over the past couple of years he's become really upset over what I have dubbed "Voiceover Puppy Mills": companies that sucker people in to free or inexpensive "workshops" and then follow up with each person who attended: "You have what it takes to make it in voiceovers! You must sign up for our multi-thousand dollar 'master's class' immediately!

I knew there were some fake voiceover gurus out there, posing as successful VO performers, suckering people into "continuity programs" where the naive student pays $X per month — forever — to be part of an inner circle of other would-be voice actors. I'm quite familiar with that business model. Heck, I can tell you who invented it.

But I didn't know about the hucksters who pitch their tents, separate the local yokels from their precious cash, and then move on to the next sucker town.

For a couple of years now, Harlan has forwarded me the various snake oil pitches that have come his way.

Result:

Now I'm angry, too. So when he asked me to assist in putting together a series of teleseminar classes that tell the truth, offer real-world information and tools, and can steer serious voiceover professionals away from "hope careers" and toward voice acting businesses...It was easy to say yes.

Harlan talks about those rip-off artists in much greater detail here.

DON'T LET YOUR ADVERTISING DRIVE AWAY POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS

This is a Sushi-ish restaurant in a strip mall in Los Angeles. I like Sushi. I like Japanese food. But I've never gone into this place, because I've never been able to see what it looks like inside.

Is it tiny? Spacious? Tastefully decorated or unappealing to the eye? Lots of happy customers inside, or is it empty?

Who knows? They've covered virtually every viewable inch of glass with pictures and posters that are intended to "sell" the restaurant but which in reality discourage new customers from entering.

Drives me crazy every time I see it.

What Does This Have To Do With Radio Advertising?

A good radio commercial offers the listener a "test drive" of the results offered by the product or service. When you clutter up your spot with bells & whistles, jokes, and extraneous audio, you obscure any potential consumer test drive.