MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Is It Any Wonder Radio Advertising Is Held In Such Low Esteem?

Welcome to the third in a series of critiques of award-winning radio commercials — those honored as "the best of the best" by the 2007 Radio Mercury Awards.

This spot was awarded $5,000 as a "General Category Winner."

My Critique:

"NEVER BEGIN A COMMERCIAL WITH A QUESTION" and Other Stupid Advertising Myths

When teaching advertising professionals how to write more effective radio commercials, I spend far too much time re-educating people who have been told never to begin a commercial with a question...and especially a "yes/no" question.

Because I've written about it previously, I won't repeat my explanation of why that "conventional wisdom" is anything but wise. But one reader begs to demur:

"I have a quick comment on Yes and No questions. Although what you say is true— that we are interested in targeting those people who would answer YES and want more information — I am of the belief that in everything a radio station does, you want to do your best to not unnecessarily turn away the rest of your audience.

"When you think of all the interesting ways there are to start a spot, it seems to me a Yes or No question that tunes out most of your audience is not a good thing."

My Reply

If you work for a radio station, when you are crafting a commercial for a client you are not allowed to worry about turning away non-targeted listeners. Your job is to maximize the desired impact of that one commercial only (while adhering to the standards of the radio station).

In the world of Direct Mail (a term generally applied to sales pitches delivered via postal mail), the two most important factors in the success of any campaign are:

The offer (the contents of the "commercial")

AND

The list (the people to whom the offer is being made).

Of those two factors, which do you suppose is more important?

Surprise — it's not the offer. The single biggest determining factor in the success of a direct mail campaign is how well targeted the list is. A mediocre sales pitch delivered to the right list will far outperform a great sales pitch delivered to an inappropriate list.

In other words, the more precisely targeted the list, the stronger the response to the offer. And the more precisely a radio commercial identifies its target audience, the stronger the response will be to an appropriate sales message.

Having said all that, I'll repeat:

I am not suggesting that you should begin a commercial with a "yes/no" question. But if early in your career you were taught an iron-clad rule against ever asking a question to which a listener might reply, "No," you were taught wrong.

Here's a real-world example from one of the best-written commercials I've ever heard. Not an award-winner, to be sure. (There are no jokes and no "sound design." All it does is deliver a very effective sales message.)

UNITED HEALTH PLAN FOR SENIORS

Do you qualify for Medicare? Maybe a loved one or someone you

know qualifies for Medicare. If so, then you’re probably aware

that Medicare in many cases will not cover all your medical

costs. That is why you should call and inquire about United

Health Plan for Seniors. United Health Plan for Seniors is a

special plan for Medicare beneficiaries. United Health Plan for

Seniors provides quality health care services beyond what

Medicare covers at no additional cost. Your golden years should

be the richest and happiest time of your life, without worries

over costly medical bills....

The first two lines of that commercial "qualify" the audience. If you do not qualify for Medicare and there is no one close to you who does, this commercial simply is not for you.

And why should the advertiser pretend otherwise?

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: BMW Continues To Lead In The "Bad Radio Advertising By Luxury Automobiles" Segment

This commercial involves the story of half a million people. We know that because the opening line is:

"Who are we to argue with half a million people?"

Except...That's not what the story is about. The story is about...uh, pre-owned BMWs. Not an interesting story. Not a good story. But despite the expectations raised by the opening line, that's what this spot is about: pre-owned BMWs.

The second line indicates what the commercial really is about — and, I suspect, inadvertently offers a statement that could get BMW in trouble with the Federal Trade Commission:

"That's half a million satisfied customers who have made BMW the leader in the luxury segment."

This is just a hunch, but I suspect "half a million" is the number of people who have purchased pre-owned BMWs. That doesn't necessarily equate to half a million satisfied customers.

Why do I get the feeling BMW made an unsupportable leap from "customers" to "satisfied customers"? Because in this spot they make the claim without supporting it. If 500,000 people who purchased pre-owned BMWs reported they were delighted with their vehicles and would recommend pre-owned BMWs to their friends, it would be been smart to say so in this spot.

Just a hunch, based on experience. Perhaps they were referring to such a statistic but don't understand why they should cite it (i.e., to establish credibility).

But it doesn't matter, because that's not the horrific part of this commercial. The really awful part is...

...Actually, there is no really awful part. It's all so extraordinarily innocuous that it has no impact at all — not even a negative one.

"...the leader in the luxury segment."

Okay, that's a joke, right? They don't really believe there's even one consumer who ever has uttered (or even thought) the words, "the luxury segment," do they?

MRS. STUPID: Gee, Honey, what kind of car should we buy?

MR. STUPID: Doesn't matter to me, Sweet Pea, as long as it's one of the models in the luxury segment.

What is this commercial's Core Message — the one thing they want the targeted audience to hear, to understand and to remember? Is it:

* Largest selection to choose from online? (Bonus points for the passive language, guys.)

* Comprehensive protection plan?

* All vehicles meticulously serviced by BMW technicians? (Does BMW have a less expensive program offering vehicles that have been serviced by BMW technicians but not meticulously? "All vehicles haphazardly serviced," perhaps?)

* The vehicles go through — this is breathtaking — an inspection process? A rigorous (vs. a lax) inspection process?

Just when you think, "Well, at least they've run out of dumb things to say," BMW surpasses expectations:

"Not to mention it offers something no other manufacturer can..."

This is Copywriting 101, folks. Saying "not to mention" before mentioning something is stupid. Not to mention it's bad advertising.

The Call To Action? Visit a laughably clumsy URL.

The reason to heed that Call To Action?

"For details."

Talk about your irresistible offers.

Here's the entire message this commercial contains: "BMW sells used cars. Please buy one."

Contained but barely communicated.