A SHOO-IN FOR THE BAD RADIO COMMERCIAL HALL OF FAME

Let’s see if you can force your mind not to wander during the following 30 seconds:

“May I have another, sir?”

“Why, certainly. Enjoy.”

You see, most people don’t know what HD radio is, so they tie it into something everyone is familiar with: the salp. The salp??

Here’s what a salp looks like. Now do you want to rush out and get an HD radio?

RADIO ADVERTISING: Don't Water Down The Good Stuff

Today was a good day.

I have a copywriting client for whom I've just completed a second seasonal radio advertising campaign.

The campaign goal: To sell event tickets online.

The commercials run in two different markets — one to the west of the event location, the other to the south.

For the first campaign, I created a commercial that they loved — but that made the Powers That Be a little nervous. They worried that the key reference was a little too "edgy."

They wanted me to change the reference, to replace it with something similar but less provocative. They even suggested what we could replace it with.

I told them they'd be better off with the "edgy" version. I understood their concerns but knew they were being overly cautious.

Still, the Biggest Power That Be was nervous about my approach, wanted to use the watered-down replacement, and asked me to rewrite the spot to accommodate it.

Okay. I rewrote it so the replacement fit the entire copy. The client was happy. I was disappointed; we had replaced a great spot with a pretty good spot. But that's the way it goes.

I didn't hear from them for a while and had made a note to call to find out when the campaign would begin. Before I could call, however, I received an excited e-mail.

After one week of the new campaign airing in Market A, their online sales had doubled. A 100% increase.

"That's good," I thought.

Then I looked at the results for Market B: Online sales had tripled.

And oh, by the way, in Market B they had decided to go with my "edgier" commercial.

A 100% increase feels very good. A 300% increase feels exceptionally good.

That was the first campaign.

For the second campaign, once again one of the spots I gave them was — not "edgy," exactly. But the payoff definitely didn't fit the kind of advertising usually associated with this particular client.

They loved that spot, just wanted me to replace that one "edgy" word with... anything else. But this time, I couldn't make the change and still make it work. That one word was key to the entire story. I told them I didn't know how to make the change without killing the spot.

The next day, another e-mail arrived. "The Biggest Power That Be has decided to go with the (edgy word) commercial!"

They won't regret it.

Today was a good day.

BOBBY OCEAN'S SUNDAY RADIO CARTOON

Illustration © 2008 by Bobby Ocean

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Casino

Who is this woman supposed to be?

Why is she shouting & grinning?

To whom is she speaking?

Is she unbelievably stupid, or is she stupidly unbelievable?

A successful radio commercial needs to have a single Core Message — the one thing you want the targeted listener to hear, to understand, and to remember. Let's see how many different messages (regardless of how lame) they try to squeeze into this one spot:

• Over 3,500 slot machines

• They name 3 of the new slot machine games. ("Hey, Marge! Grab your hat, we've got to get over to San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casinos. They've got a new slot machine called 'Real Winners!' ")

• The slots area is newly expanded.

• Smoke-free room

• Another new slot machine name: "Cash Wheel"

• Penny machines

• An area for "classic games" (complete with examples)

• "A complete gaming, entertainment and dining experience"

• The poker room has been remodeled.

• High stakes bingo

• Live entertainment

This is the kind of radio commercial that gives bad advertising a bad name.

MONDAY COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Our Financial Crisis is Over!

At least, the state of California must have so much money that they can throw it away on worthless advertising:

Message The Listener Hears: "Recycling is good."

Call To Action: "Go to bottlesandcans.com"

Reason to Go To bottlesandcans.com: Uh...We'll have someone get back to you on that one.

Thanks, California Department of Conservation. Here's an idea: How about conserving our tax dollars, rather than flushing it away on garbage like this?

ANOTHER RADIO ACCOUNT EXEC DRIVEN TO TEARS

From The People Who Don't Quite Get The Joke Department:

Dear Dan, I am almost weeping, I am laughing so hard. I just created a "really bad commercial" using your proven and time-tested Bad Commercial Generator.

Bill Phenix/WXRV 92.5 The River

At a seminar a couple of years ago, a radio station production director told me he'd gotten a good laugh out of it, too. So much so that he went into his Sales Manager's office and said, "You've gotta see this."

He showed the GSM the Bad Commercial Generator and — the PD swears this is true — the GSM responded, "Wow! And it's free??"