COPYWRITERS: HOW TO OVERCOME WRITER'S BLOCK

Usually when we talk about writer's block, we're referring to the writer who just can't get words onto a page. That would be someone working on a novel or a play or an extended essay for publication; they just can't seem to get started or, more often, they've started but now they're stuck.

That kind of writer's block invariably is caused by one of two things: Lack of information...or Fear.

When I say "lack of information," I mean the writer hasn't worked out the story sufficiently or doesn't really know the characters; the way you solve that problem is to stop trying to write and instead work on understanding the story or the characters better.

But most writer's block — as the term usually is used by copywriters — is caused by fear. There is nothing more intimidating than a blank page.

So...Put something on it.

Here's a trick I learned a long time ago, and it works whether I'm writing a commercial or a newsletter or a book: Don't end your workday or your work session when you've finished an entire section. Start writing the next part, even if it's just a couple of sentences.

So if you're writing a book, don't stop when you've finished a chapter. Begin the next chapter, and tomorrow when you sit down to write you won't have to ask "What do I do now?" because you'll be joining a work in progress.

You see, for most writers the hardest part isn't writing; it's starting. And when you sit down at the keyboard to find that someone already has started writing the commercial for you, it's like you've given yourself a gift.

But for people who work for a radio station and write lots of commercials, often it's not really "writer's block;" it's lack of time. It's "Here's the copy order, goes on the air tomorrow, and our production guy is leaving early today for a doctor's appointment."

If you're writing commercial copy and you feel stuck and you've got at least a few extra minutes, here's an easy technique that will help you get started.

Call the client and ask, "How did you get started in this business?" — and then let him talk. Most business owners have a story; let your clients tell theirs.

Here are two more questions you can add. Let's say he owns a bookstore. Ask him:

"What's the one thing you love most about running a bookstore?"

"What's the biggest misconception people have about bookstores?"

Nine times out of ten, if you listen, the client will GIVE you a great story to use in your commercial. I don't mean putting that story directly into the copy; it might just be the feeling the story expresses.

A while ago I wrote commercial copy for a number of different restaurants, and again & again the restaurateurs would tell me the most satisfying aspect of owning a restaurant is seeing how happy their guests are while at their restaurant. I never would have guessed that; I probably would have guessed "being my own boss" or "hearing people rave about our food."

I also learned that is how they refer to their patrons: "Guests." Not customers. Not diners. "Guests."

And all of that helped me understand the experience I was going to try to convey in 30 or 60 seconds.

More techniques for overcoming writer's block in future blog posts.

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: A Shocking Award Winner

Welcome to the second in a series of critiques of award-winning radio commercials — those honored as "the best of the best" by the 2007 Radio Mercury Awards. Award winning commercials rarely are any good, so let's all keep our expectations low.

Surprise! This is a good spot.

Ironically, the judges probably gave it an award for the wrong reason: because they think it's so doggone clever. But the "true/false" conceit isn't at all original; it's been used for decades.

This particular version is done very well. They do an excellent job of "showing" rather than "telling." They never bother to tell you it's a True or False buzzer, and they don't feel compelled to explain what the situation might be that requires its use.

As long as the listener realizes, "When he lies, the buzzer sounds," no further set-up is required. They trust that you immediately will figure it out, and you do.

Do they do what I always preach: paint a picture of the results of the product or service? Well, no. They paint a picture of this guy answering the questions. But in doing so they drive home the fact that you can't get good seafood just anywhere...and that Legal Seafood is the place for good seafood.

My compliments to the team at DeVito/Verdi.

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Advil's Radio Advertising Headache

Former radio guy, MTV pioneer and E! Entertainment CEO Lee Masters loves "agent jokes." Here's one:

An agent is on the phone with a producer, pitching one of his clients. A minute or two into the conversation the producer interrupts and says, "Hey, wait a minute. You're lying to me!"

The agent says, "Yeah, I know. But hear me out..."

When you begin a commercial with an obvious lie, you lose the entire battle:

No, you don't work at the pharmacy counter. You're a voice actor. And everyone listening knows you don't work at the pharmacy. They know that you are lying to them.

"It packs the power of Advil with a strong decongestant."

Yep, that's exactly how my pharmacist speaks. How about yours?

Oh, and I guess the music that comes in at :10 is being piped into the pharmacy?

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Lakeside Medical

One minute from now — or less — the only image you'll be able to recall from this radio commercial is this dog.

What the heck does that guy & his dog have to do with what's being advertised?

In case you missed it: The spot is, vaguely, about health care. The big message: The advertiser promises to deliver health care "with compassion and respect." Big whoop.

The Call To Action is to go the radio station website and enter the advertiser's "key word." But guess what? The advertiser has its own website.

Which do you think is easier for the listener to remember and to be able to enter accurately?

"kost1035.com, keyword 'lakeside'"

or

"LakesideCommunityHealthCare.com"?

Why doesn't the commercial send them directly to the advertiser's website? Probably so the radio station can "track" responses, and the advertiser can see how many visitors were sent by the station. Of course, the number of visitors will be smaller than if the commercial gave the advertiser's URL instead, but I guess that's not important.

Actually, in this case isn't important because very few people will go to either website as the result of hearing this spot. Why not? Because the listener isn't given any reason to. The entire Call Action is to go to the website and enter the key word. And then what? Uh....They haven't figured that out yet.

Surprise! Somebody Did Something Right.

The station's URL is www.kost1035.com. But plenty of listeners will hear that as "www.coast1035.com."

In a rare case of radio station Web intelligence, someone purchased the "misspelled" KOST URL. Doesn't help this lousy commercial, but it's nice to see that someone was smart enough to spend an extra few bucks a year to capture traffic that otherwise would be lost.

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Confusing The Audience Is Not A Good Strategy

An incredibly bad radio commercial:

For the first 30 seconds of this spot, it seems to be about fashion. Finally we realize they're not talking about style; they're talking about...uh, snow? Skiing? Boarding? Incredible deals?

One of a kind packages on lodging and lift tickets

Oh, really? What exactly are "one of a kind packages"? They've created a different package for each customer?

Colorado's legendary snow is back.

Ah, yes, the legend of Colorado snow. No one knows for sure if it's true, but what a wonderful story it is, handed down from generation to generation.

By popular demand

By popular demand, winter has returned? Perhaps that could be the basis of a cute commercial conceit. But as a single line that comes from nowhere and leads nowhere?

Endless sunshine

Well, dadgum! I'd a-thunk the sunshine disappears plum near every evening in Colorado in the winter. The things you learn from radio advertising.

"Amazing" ski resorts

Unless you're referring to Kreskin, Randi, or The Amazing Race, only an amateur uses "amazing" to describe the advertised product or service. "Amazing" can be applied — with equal lack of effect — to virtually any product or service. (And while we're at it: I'm sure Colorado's ski resorts are quite nice. I have a hunch, however, that no experienced skiier or boarder is "amazed" by them.)

Confusing the audience is not a good thing:

First it was black. Then brown became the new black. Until grey became the new brown.

Were Colorado's ski resorts previously black, brown and grey? What the heck are they talking about? Even if that makes sense to fashionistas (I wouldn't know), it doesn't make sense to skiiers and boarders.

Skiing is a kinesthetic experience: movement, speed, twists & turns, skis on snow, air rushing past. Why are they spending all that effort trying to get us to visualize "white" rather than to feel the sensation of skiing?

The male voice repeatedly focuses the listener's attention not on skiing, not on skiiing in Colorado...but on the meaningless phrase, "winter white." And we can hear him trying to sound cool. (Hint: If people can hear you trying to sound cool, you don't.)

That ludicrous attempt at sounding cool combines with the amateurish echoing of "winter white" by the female voice. (I'm not certain, but that female sounds an awful lot like the woman delivering the body of the copy.) What is this: A commercial running on a major Los Angeles radio station or a college student's first effort in Production 101?

The overall impact is smug. They sure sound impressed with themselves, don't they?

Even their slogan (at the end) is unfocused:

See, do, eat, stay, go.

Is that specific to Colorado skiing?

Knott's Berry Farm: "See, do, eat, stay, go."

South of the Border: "See, do, eat, stay, go."

South Dakota: "See, do, eat, stay, go."

What is their Call To Action?

Be a part of the phenomenon.

Oh, okay, right. I'll do that.

Advertising solves problems.

What problem does this commercial solve?

COMMERCIAL STRATEGY: EDUCATING THE CUSTOMER

A radio station sales manager asked if I had any ideas for a relatively new client: a small, independently owned hardware store. Just one location, in the center of a small town. The store didn't seem to have any obvious Unique Selling Proposition.

So I thought about my own rare ventures into hardware stores and quickly realized a key emotion that I suspect is felt by many customers: Fear.

Not heart palpitating, sweat producing, shortness of breath inducing fear. More like uneasiness, a pronounced uncomfortableness.

Will I be able to find the tool or accessory I need?

How will I know which item to buy?

How will I know how many or what size I'll need?

If I can't find what I need, will a store employee be able to help me? Will they laugh at my ignorance?

This immediately led me to suggest a very powerful strategy utilized by too few advertisers: Education.

I suggested a series of commercials in which the store owner answers the most common questions posed by do-it-yourselfers in a relaxed, conversational, non-threatening manner....

Hi, I'm Ed Proprietor of Ed's Hardware Store. A wrench is a pretty simple tool. But if you ask someone to hand you a wrench, they might say, “Which wrench do you want? Pipe wrench? Monkey wrench? Crescent? Open-ended? Box wrench?” Here's a quick & easy explanation of the differences. (EXPLANATION GOES HERE.) The reason we carry so many different kinds of wrenches...and hammers, and saws, and screws & nails all kinds of thingamajigs and whatchamacallems... is because we want to make sure we have exactly what you need. Having helped thousands of (LOCAL) handymen & women, carpenters, electricians, and part-time fixer-uppers over the past 15 years, you can pretty much count on our having what you're looking for. And if you're not sure what it's called, don't worry; we'll know. I'm Ed Proprietor of Ed's Hardware Store on Main Street in Smalltown. Stop by today; we're here to help.

Where would YOU rather shop: At a hardware store where the clerks don't know and don't care...or at a hardware store where the clerks are eager to answer your questions without making you feel stupid?

When You Hit 'Em, Hit 'Em Hard

Buried within my December 18 posting — "Don't Water Down The Good Stuff" — is an important lesson of which I first became consciously aware during a conversation with Dick Orkin. He was telling me about a particular campaign the Famous Radio Ranch had done in South Florida.

The big U.S.P. was the superiority of the client's service over that of the established market leader: the dominant regional newspaper. They made that the focus of the entire campaign: how lame the newspaper's service was compared to their client's (which was just being introduced to that market).

One of the local radio stations balked at airing the spot, because they didn't "want to upset the newspaper."

"How much money does the newspaper spend advertising on your station?" asked Dick.

"Uh...Nothing. They've never advertised with us."

"So what's the problem?"

The campaign aired as written, and it was hugely successful: Soon the client had a larger market share of that particular service than the newspaper.

As Dick told me the story, I had an aha! experience. When writing copy, I've always looked for strong themes and strong lines. But until that moment I never consciously sought to pounce on them; I viewed them as vehicles to help deliver the sales message.

But now when I find myself writing an "edgy" line that powerfully drives home that message, I'm quite willing to throw away the original script and start all over, with that provocative line as the commercial's focal point.

To use a boxing metaphor: If you discover your fighter has a powerful left jab, don't just hope that he occasionally throws it; build your fight plan around that left jab.

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: MGM Grand Hotel & Casino

The spot opens with, "Wishing you could get away for a mini-vacation?" That certainly could be the premise of a commercial for a Las Vegas resort. But after asking the question, they don't do anything to deliver on its implied promise.

"Here's a little secret exclusive for our K-EARTH listeners. MGM Hotel & Casino has it all...."

Actually, I swear the guy is saying "had" it all. But that doesn't make sense. It's more likely that my hearing ability has deteriorated than that the copywriter or voiceover performer accidentally wrote or said "had" instead of "has" — and that no one at the radio station caught it.

Where was I? Oh, yeah:

"Here's a little secret exclusive for our K-EARTH listeners. MGM Grand Hotel & Casino has it all...."

That's not a secret, and it's certainly not exclusive for K-EARTH listeners.

Saying that something is exclusive for your listeners when it's not is what we in the radio advertising biz call "not true."

"Treat yourself to a massage at the spa."

Gee, a Vegas hotel with a spa? Hard to believe. And the spa offers massages? Unheard of.

"See an award-winning show."

SHE: We never do anything fun any more.

HE: How about seeing an award-winning show?

SHE: What a great idea! Honey, I love you!

TOGETHER: Thanks, MGM Grand Hotel & Casino!

Here Comes The Clue Train:

If you want people to attend your award-winning show, tell them the name of the show or performer.

"But the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino has a number of different shows, and they might change from one week to the next."

Yeah, so? Either do the work needed to create the spot that sells the show, or don't waste your breath and the listeners' time talking about it.

"Indulge yourself in any of the 15 restaurants."

Indulge myself? Oh, you mean eat food?

15 restaurants? Doesn't sound particularly inviting to me. Sounds like a gigantic, impersonal place. But by golly, "15 restaurants" is on that list of bullet points, so....

"Oh, and the room accommodations? Wow, where do I start?"

Well, you could start by noticing that no one you know ever comes back from a mini-vacation and refers to their "room accommodations." Never.

HE: How about staying at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino?

SHE: Hmm, I don't know. What are their room accommodations like?"

And apparently the announcer never did figure out "where to start," because she didn't say anything at all about the "room accommodations" — other than to imply that the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino has some.

"Exclusive package offers won't last long."

Hey, they met the "not true" standard twice in just six words:

1. We've already established that the offers are not exclusive.

2. The "special offers" probably will be featured on the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino's website for years.

"I tried radio advertising, and it didn't work...."

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Bladder Research Study

The commercial....

The transcript of that commercial:

Are you on the go, all the time...in more ways than one? If you frequently feel an urgent need to urinate with little warning time, you could have an overactive bladder, or OAB. You may qualify for a research study involving an investigational medication for the treatment of an overactive bladder. West Coast Clinical Research, in the San Fernando Valley, is conducting this study. The West Coast Clinical Research staff is a team of medical research professionals. Qualified participants must be women between the ages of 18 and 70 years old who are experiencing overactive bladder symptoms, including a frequent urge to urinate with little or no warning. If you qualify for the study, all study-related care will be provided at no cost, including exams, study medication, and financial compensation will also be provided for time and travel. Call West Coast Clinical Research at 818-776-0820 to see if you could be a candidate for the overactive bladder study. That's 818-776-0820. Call 818-776-0820.

Obviously, this is a very personal problem. But it's an impersonal commercial. It also could be improved with some ruthless editing.

If any given element doesn't increase the impact of the sales message and isn't required, get rid of it.

Example: It's necessary to identify the advertiser. But telling us that "the West Coast Clinical Research staff is a team of medical research professionals" isn't required, and it doesn't increase the impact of the message. "West Coast Clinical Research" successfully conveys the necessary note of authority; pointing out that it's staffed with a team of medical professionals belabors the obvious.

Does knowing that "overactive bladder" also is known as "OAB" do anything to increase the likelihood of a targeted listener picking up the phone? I can't imagine how. They threw in some industry jargon simply because they have it. Quite possibly in the offices of West Coast Clinical Research they always refer to it as OAB. But the target audience doesn't, and there's nothing to be gained (in this commercial) by teaching people the acronym.

When reviewing your copy, one of the first questions to ask yourself is, "Can I delete the opening line without weakening the message?" Surprisingly often, the answer is yes. This test should have been applied to this copy. Compare:

(Original beginning:) Are you on the go, all the time...in more ways than one? If you frequently feel an urgent need to urinate with little warning time....

(Ruthlessly edited beginning) If you frequently feel an urgent need to urinate with little warning time....

The second version starts the commercial faster without sacrificing anything.

The spot is okay. The problem they're targeting is specific enough that that commercial, as is, will attract some response. But it could be much stronger.

Here's a rewrite that focuses on the person it's trying to reach, rather than on "the study."

Are you a woman who frequently feels an urgent need to urinate with very little warning? You might not realize it's quite common among American adults. But you know what it's like to be nervous whenever you leave your home...To make sure that wherever you go, the first thing you do is locate the nearest bathroom — just in case. You know how humiliating it feels when suddenly you're forced to rush from a meeting or a social function. Well, you might qualify for a research study involving an investigational medication for the treatment of overactive bladder. It's for women between the ages of 18 and 70 who are experiencing symptoms that include a frequent urge to urinate with little or no warning. If you qualify, all study-related care will be provided to you at no cost — including exams and study medication. You'll also receive financial compensation. To see if you could be a candidate for the overactive bladder study, call West Coast Clinical Research now at 818-776-0820. That's 818-776-0820. 818-776-0820.

• I omitted "in the San Fernando Valley" because anyone in the audience suffering from that problem probably will be willing to drive anywhere in the L.A. area for help.

• I don't recall the last time I wrote a commercial that ended — as most do — with the phone number given three times. But, again, for the targeted listener to motivation to act is so strong that I don't think we need a callback to the original theme.

I gave the new script to voice actor extraordinaire Ann DeWig, along with these instructions:

I'm attaching the mediocre spot that I've completely rewritten — so you can hear the fake, impersonal tone of the woman who's reading copy rather than talking to someone who suffers from an embarrassing, intimate problem.

Notes:

• Because unlike the original copy we say "overactive bladder study" only once, you have to make sure to hit that. Not hard enough to stop the conversational flow, but enough so that the name of the study is brought to the forefront.

• "Financial compensation" — Although that will appeal to prospects, it's not the primary motivation. So treat it as gravy (uh, bad image there), an added bonus rather than a reason for someone to call.

• This might be a challenge, given that the copy begins with, "Are you a woman who..." But try doing this as though you're:

1. Talking to your old college roommate, whom you haven't seen for a long time. Lunch in a restaurant, and she keeps getting up to use the bathroom.

2. Talking to your mother, who has this problem and has fooled herself into thinking that not even her family has noticed her behavior.

3. Walking in the park on a sunny day, feeling carefree. You spot a 30-ish woman seated on a bench, forlorn. Her self-esteem is shot. She feels like such a loser. (Obviously, because she has this problem.)

For all of them: Sympathetic, supportive, respectful, understanding — and you're not at all embarrassed by the topic. It's such a common ailment, and there might even be a new treatment for it.

Ann recorded the three different versions and included this cover note:

This WAS a challenge, but fun. I didn't listen to the "example" until after...and she sounds like she's selling furniture.

I just built the scenes and played them out as best I could.

I really like how you give direction. You build scenes instead of using words. VERY helpful. More work for you, but I think it nets better results. I like how the scenes themselves automatically set different tones (albeit subtly so).

Here are Ann's three versions of the new commercial.

The College Roommate

The Mother

Woman on Park Bench

Hear any differences? Your comments...?

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Casino

Who is this woman supposed to be?

Why is she shouting & grinning?

To whom is she speaking?

Is she unbelievably stupid, or is she stupidly unbelievable?

A successful radio commercial needs to have a single Core Message — the one thing you want the targeted listener to hear, to understand, and to remember. Let's see how many different messages (regardless of how lame) they try to squeeze into this one spot:

• Over 3,500 slot machines

• They name 3 of the new slot machine games. ("Hey, Marge! Grab your hat, we've got to get over to San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casinos. They've got a new slot machine called 'Real Winners!' ")

• The slots area is newly expanded.

• Smoke-free room

• Another new slot machine name: "Cash Wheel"

• Penny machines

• An area for "classic games" (complete with examples)

• "A complete gaming, entertainment and dining experience"

• The poker room has been remodeled.

• High stakes bingo

• Live entertainment

This is the kind of radio commercial that gives bad advertising a bad name.

MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Tax Firm

Let's Begin With The Good.

The opening line clearly identifies and captures the attention of the targeted listener.

These lines are strong:

"The IRS is looking for you."

"The most brutal collection agency in the world."

The rest, alas, is a bit of a mess.

This commercial sounds as though the copywriter made a list of all the points that might be included in the spot — and reeled them off, one by one. The result is disjointed. The commercial has no flow; it doesn't pull you along. The guy just keeps talking until his 60 seconds are up.

"The IRS will stop at nothing. Don't let this happen to you."

Huh? Two disjointed thoughts. Seeds of copywriting approaches, yes. Fully grown copy, no.

The problem is intensified by the announcer's delivery. You're saying someone is out to get me? Someone might put me in jail? That's serious, highly personal stuff. But this guy sounds like a voiceover for a 1960s laundry detergent commercial.

"...just hired a massive amount of new government agents"

— I don't believe that. It might be true, but this spot makes it sound like a bluff because it avoids any specifics. If it is true, then the number of new agents is a matter of public record. Find that number and put it in the commercial. Remember, Specificity Helps Create Believability.

Tax Relief ASAP is "the most effective tax firm"? What does that mean? Who says they're the most effective? (Actually, you and I know the answer: They say they are.) If you're going to make a "best" claim, you need to specify what you're best at, and you'd better have something to back it up. Otherwise, it's just an empty boast that doesn't help build your credibility.

"Over 31 years of proven experience"

— I think I smell a client's copywriting at work. Is that supposed to be a Unique Selling Proposition? If I've got tax troubles and I find a firm that has over 32 years of experience, should I choose them instead?

When they list what the IRS can do to you, they should stop after the third threat. Informally known as "The Rule of Threes," you need to stop before the listener finds it tedious.

Let's take some of the raw material that somehow was read directly into a microphone and begin to craft a more cohesive, personal and powerful message:

If you owe the federal government at least $10,000 or have unfiled back taxes, 18,000 IRS agents are looking for you. They can seize your property, force you into foreclosure, even put you in jail. But there IS some good news: If you owe the IRS $10,000 or more, you may qualify for the 2008 settlement program. That means you might be able to make things right for just pennies on the dollar — legally. No more sleepless nights. No more worrying when the phone rings. No more fear of losing everything, all because you got behind on your taxes....