MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Nordstrom

Okay, so you're thinking, "Good grief. Yet another stupid radio commercial that says nothing, in a cutesy way."

I'm confident, however, that the creators of this spot were attempting to engage the rhetorical device of litotes — affirming something by slyly denying its opposite. (You suspected that, too, huh?)

"I'm not going to tell you X," she says...and continues to tell us what she said she wasn't going to tell us.

How clever.

How witty.

How pathetic.

Let's start with the goal of this campaign: to tell Nordstrom's fans in the vicinity of Thousand Oaks that a new Nordstrom store is opening near them. If you've never shopped at Nordstrom, this message isn't intended for you.

If you've never shopped there, it will take more to get you in the door than being told the store has:

• Exciting looks from the best names in fashion for men, women and kids

• An array of shoes

* Knowledgeable salespeople

Yes, I know that Nordstrom provides service that outstrips most of its competitors. But non-customers don't know that, and they won't be convinced with those mindless clichés.

Meanwhile, Nordstrom customers know that Nordstrom sells nice, fairly expensive clothing and is famous for its personalized service. Those vacuous bullet points don't reinforce their relationship to the brand. If anything, they hurt the brand by making it sound like every other department store.

(Okay, let's be fair: It does set Nordstrom apart from department stores who advertise boring clothing from third-rate designers, a few shoes scattered about, and salespeople who don't know the difference between Pierre Cardin and Pierre Trudeau.)

And the call to action? "To learn more, visit" their website. Yep, I can't think of anything more interesting to do with my life. I think I'll go online and learn more about Nordstrom.

Here's the entire message that spot should have attempted to convey:

NEW NORDSTROM STORE OPENS FRIDAY IN THOUSAND OAKS — AT THE OAKS

That's it.

Deliver that message any way you want. Sing it, yodel it, rhyme it in iambic pentameter. But that's the message.

Best delivered sans litotes.